13th January, 2013.
Today at college-
Me- *giving a stuff to my friend* here you go bro, I promised
you I’ll get this for you.
Him- you… you really take your promises really very
seriously, don’t you?
Me- yep!!!
This has been my problem for like a decade now. Promises,
vows, words… I take them as seriously as life itself. There has to be a
possible explanation, totally logical one, but the only answer I know is the
one that I created for my own satisfaction. I am afraid, I have promised a many
great things to the people I know, or care. And one of my few endeavors has
been to keep the promises intact and unbreakable. As a child, I was taught that
keeping a promise makes us a better person than the rest of the others. Am I trying
to be a better person? A great one? I don’t know, I never was a better person,
kind of a guy whom one does not possibly want to engage, or even if one does, I
am, was, and will be the last pick,
which is practically fine by me. But even then, I try and keep the vows intact until
either it is completed or I am freed. Yes, I know, it looks I am like dr. exaggerator,
babbling my greatness and shit, but that is what I am. A show off.
On the other hand, I am totally unable to keep the promises I
did to myself, which by far, has not really been a bad experience, a
bittersweet one, I presume. Promising to other is fine, unlimited ways to fulfill
them, to self, it just bounds you with your incapability. Resolutions are not
my milieu.
Maybe it just gives me a taste of satisfaction, the sheer
tinge of a little happiness when I see a smile in the face of the person whom I
promised something, or when someone, after years of disconnection, finds that I
still kept the vow I made, unbroken. Yes, there were one or two incidents when I
had to reluctantly break them, which I will repent for the rest of the years,
sure, I am not perfect, but the balance remains on my favor. And plus,
sometimes I feel like the godfather, although with minimal expectation or none
at all, never did any good, expecting from others. Yet, I’ll continue to do so;
whenever I can, promising stuff and keeping the crap intact. Especially to
those who mean more than dear to me…only a few are there…maybe 5 in total.
So, this is my last vow, to you all who are this much close
to a beat of heart of my heart, I will always be there. Promise.
Regards.
No comments:
Post a Comment