19th December, 2014.
I must admit, I’ve been on a writing binge for quite a time now, and well, I assume that if anything, it has been tormenting to the unfortunate readers of mine. Though there are only 4 followers, or so my blogger dashboard suggests, I maybe am guilty of raking your brains with peculiar blabbers. I started this blog near 2013, if memory serves me right, and it was some people I know who urged me to write things up, hence this page.
No it is not my blog anniversary, or bloggeversary if someone puts it as so, the reason of this rant is entirely different, and maybe an exuberant news to some.
But first, I must congratulate an old friend of mine, who after being in deep dark for long may have found the new light. Or as he had put it so eloquently, the meaning to his songs and life. Congratulations brother, I wish all the good for you. And I hope may things be great for you!
After quite conspicuously burning some old letters that I wrote again which weren't to be read, along with some meaningless stories in a bonfire (maybe I will write again, if such demand is made), and spending my whole day reading sandman comics online (after lots of search, it wasn’t easy!) I went out for some fresh air. It wasn’t my intention to write anything today, and thus this sudden decision.
I won’t be writing anything for a time, I am leaving for a hiatus. I am taking a break from everything. I know, none of my readers care, and actually, people will be happy! I mean I've been ranting about things that make neither sense, nor much of a difference to anybody. I wrote whatever I felt (which I will continue) but there’s too much. I need to sort certain things out. First, if your typing speed is slow, and much of your knuckles are swollen by constant wall punching, winter makes it worse! It is painful. Then there is this factor which was crucial. Even I wrote what I felt like, it always had an event in the background. Every time I wrote something, there was an incident or an event that led me to type these things, which varied in nature. Sometimes it was just someone’s visit to my sandcastle, sometimes just a meaningless verbose that I engaged in, a rude remark and my subsequent guilt, it was always an incident, that made my days interesting, all of it are turning now into vestiges of days gone by.
There is nothing interesting that can make me write. It is boring, I am losing my marginal sanity on the edge of eternal boredom and nothing feels right. There hasn't been any bromide conversation that I cared about for a month or so, there is no poetry, or the futile attempts, only some blank words that floats around and I cannot pen them down, the urge is not there. As I said, nothing of nothing is going on. It's a void. I can't write with a void.
And then, there are these nightmares. Almost the same one every night. With the same scene, with the same characters and person. Worst is, I can't talk about it to anyone. The one whom I need to speak with so badly has left. And I can't persuade her to listen, can't tell her this. That's one agony I need to deal with.
I was advised to read or write, or anything to distract myself until there is any development, I have been doing it, and now, the bag is empty. I have finished almost all those books which I left unfinished for various reasons, and there is nothing to write. When a person like me is left to his own devices, there is a slight problem. After a while, the devices start malfunctioning, deviating from their actual work and in turn becomes more loathsome.
So yeah, no writing for a while. Go on, burst some crackers and fly some confetti, I won’t be whining about for a while. Well, not that anyone even cares! Maybe next year (2015 that is), I cannot give a date, but I hope things sort out, and the pain comes down, or the wait is over, and may something triggers to make me write things. So that makes me say, merry Christmas and a happy new year in advance. May your next year be more awesome than this one and may you guys find love. And don’t give up on waiting! It’s better to wait. All the good things to those who wait! I can and maybe will wait…
Some letters remains, need to burn them. Well, almost everything is ash here. Grey, cold ash. So why not?
Regards.
p.s- I know no one needs me, I am hardly a person who can make any impression and perhaps the last person to cross anyone’s heart or mind, but if it needs so, I will be here.
Next year! C’est fini.!
I must admit, I’ve been on a writing binge for quite a time now, and well, I assume that if anything, it has been tormenting to the unfortunate readers of mine. Though there are only 4 followers, or so my blogger dashboard suggests, I maybe am guilty of raking your brains with peculiar blabbers. I started this blog near 2013, if memory serves me right, and it was some people I know who urged me to write things up, hence this page.
No it is not my blog anniversary, or bloggeversary if someone puts it as so, the reason of this rant is entirely different, and maybe an exuberant news to some.
But first, I must congratulate an old friend of mine, who after being in deep dark for long may have found the new light. Or as he had put it so eloquently, the meaning to his songs and life. Congratulations brother, I wish all the good for you. And I hope may things be great for you!
After quite conspicuously burning some old letters that I wrote again which weren't to be read, along with some meaningless stories in a bonfire (maybe I will write again, if such demand is made), and spending my whole day reading sandman comics online (after lots of search, it wasn’t easy!) I went out for some fresh air. It wasn’t my intention to write anything today, and thus this sudden decision.
I won’t be writing anything for a time, I am leaving for a hiatus. I am taking a break from everything. I know, none of my readers care, and actually, people will be happy! I mean I've been ranting about things that make neither sense, nor much of a difference to anybody. I wrote whatever I felt (which I will continue) but there’s too much. I need to sort certain things out. First, if your typing speed is slow, and much of your knuckles are swollen by constant wall punching, winter makes it worse! It is painful. Then there is this factor which was crucial. Even I wrote what I felt like, it always had an event in the background. Every time I wrote something, there was an incident or an event that led me to type these things, which varied in nature. Sometimes it was just someone’s visit to my sandcastle, sometimes just a meaningless verbose that I engaged in, a rude remark and my subsequent guilt, it was always an incident, that made my days interesting, all of it are turning now into vestiges of days gone by.
There is nothing interesting that can make me write. It is boring, I am losing my marginal sanity on the edge of eternal boredom and nothing feels right. There hasn't been any bromide conversation that I cared about for a month or so, there is no poetry, or the futile attempts, only some blank words that floats around and I cannot pen them down, the urge is not there. As I said, nothing of nothing is going on. It's a void. I can't write with a void.
And then, there are these nightmares. Almost the same one every night. With the same scene, with the same characters and person. Worst is, I can't talk about it to anyone. The one whom I need to speak with so badly has left. And I can't persuade her to listen, can't tell her this. That's one agony I need to deal with.
I was advised to read or write, or anything to distract myself until there is any development, I have been doing it, and now, the bag is empty. I have finished almost all those books which I left unfinished for various reasons, and there is nothing to write. When a person like me is left to his own devices, there is a slight problem. After a while, the devices start malfunctioning, deviating from their actual work and in turn becomes more loathsome.
So yeah, no writing for a while. Go on, burst some crackers and fly some confetti, I won’t be whining about for a while. Well, not that anyone even cares! Maybe next year (2015 that is), I cannot give a date, but I hope things sort out, and the pain comes down, or the wait is over, and may something triggers to make me write things. So that makes me say, merry Christmas and a happy new year in advance. May your next year be more awesome than this one and may you guys find love. And don’t give up on waiting! It’s better to wait. All the good things to those who wait! I can and maybe will wait…
Some letters remains, need to burn them. Well, almost everything is ash here. Grey, cold ash. So why not?
Regards.
p.s- I know no one needs me, I am hardly a person who can make any impression and perhaps the last person to cross anyone’s heart or mind, but if it needs so, I will be here.
Next year! C’est fini.!
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