26th January, 2017.
Hello prattling mortals!
Greetings from the absentia!
No but really, I have been long
gone from my writings even from myself and I think, given the darkened night, I
must now somewhat return. I have been writing random poetry a lot and that was
not the initial plan if my memory serves me correct; to be frank, I don’t remember
what was my original plan with this page, just one fine day I woke up with a
craving and here we are, tangled in complex rants about whatnot.
Seriously, there were days when I
gave my most sincere thought to abandon this page, to stop writing and to the
extent of it, I had considered deleting it. There were moments when all of
this, whatever I have wrote till date, seemed inconsequential and mostly
incoherent to me. And let’s be honest about this, most of these ‘rants’ that I boast
about are indeed of no consequence. Things that I call poem and stories, which I
thought are creations of a ‘mind’ are just nothing, they hold neither meaning
nor importance to anyone. Yes, they might, at times, look good to other people,
I have had my share of applause for all those poetic injunctions but that’s the
extent of it, they are momentary.
So the question is, why? Why still
I keep these pandemoniums alive and not just lock them up and leave? I have
seen people do that. Blogs being deleted have not surprised me ever, for I always
knew they must have fulfilled their purpose of being. Either that or the
authors had succumbed to the boredom of rattling over the keyboards or editing
their brains out, the reasons could be many and doesn’t bother me.
I would like to believe, and do
forgive me if I sound anything but polite, that most of the time people do get
bored by their own design. They start, they walk, they come to the terms of
anything they feel they should and that’s it. The time spent here must be
sufficient to draw the needed conclusions, to move on. And keeping this assertion
in mind, it is entirely possible that I don’t want to do this, regardless of my
attainment of any sort of closure, not that I was looking for it, the prospect
is hauntingly boring.
Another possibility is that this
blog has been a witness to my teen angst and so much more. I liked to believe that
I am cold, that I hardly feel anything, which now seems a mortifying lie to me. I mean if we look back at it, after hundred
something blogs, this claim seems not only futile but also far from being
anything solid. Here, on my blog, I have smiled, laughed, cried, brooded,
sulked and god knows what else, and to be honestly grateful, those who read
this somehow, if not ill-fated to do so, shared these experience.
Thusly, my contention regarding the
existence would be this – I am an utterly hopeless case of sentimental mess who
can’t give up on certain stuff, ever. Because I somehow feel morally obligated
to a few things, even though I have been told repeatedly that my moral compass
is compromised beyond any fix. Whatever it is, I can’t just leave it, even
though if the blog consist many embarrassing and more stupid things I have
said. It’s basically like that estranged lover with whom you share everything
and then you repent because you have told her too much and the only viable
option is to kill her but you can’t do that either because now you are way too
much into the designed hell you have made. So, there.
Yes, I have been absent for a
while, and such absentia will keep recurring, but that shouldn’t mean I have
stopped. After all, it was where I started my supposed journey in writing and
that just can’t be stopped.
Although, if anything, I’d like
to hear some opinions on this.
In other news, my hair is coming
back and I’m not bald anymore, I’m not sure if it’s a good news.
Anyways, have a cup of tea!
Love!
