13th October, 2013
If you are reading this, which I am partially certain of, I am writing this on a blog post because I don’t know what else to do.. suffering from social phobia, as they call it, I always try to avoid public speaking; so it’ll take a little time,ektu dhoirjyo dhore porish..
Last evening when we met, I was resolute that I’d avoid any conversation with you, and if it compels, the talk would be short.. I was irrationally angry. Even thought of screaming at you on the top of my lungs..thought you at least deserve this much after the previous incident. Deliberately tried the subtle scoldings.. my anger, if I may hope you know, is my weakest side.. I can’t control it..
But I guess, among the other temporary things, this particular emotion also fades away after a time..
Please don’t think that I am trying to be modest or trying to flatter you, as I think both of them are perversion of the literal truth.. so what you’ll be reading next is really hard for me to write..
When we’re crossing Chirag delhi area, I stole a glance or two at you..well..to be frank,it was not intentional.. while talking, Shushobhan twice mentioned that you’re fatigued by the roaming around.. maybe..he saw what he saw, or what he wanted to see.. I saw something else. Were your eyes gleaming with tears?? Like you were on the verge of bursting into sobs.. thrice you cleared your eyes.. It didn’t went unnoticed you know.. that moment was like a kick to me..
If I leave the last year out, when we met the first time in a night like this one, we’ve been in contact for almost 4 years.. last night, after I reached home and was sleepless, I realised that you, my dear, are the closest person who I can call a friend.. well, you were almost on all occasions, were there when I called or needed you.. In years, the only person after my parents and bhai, were you with whom I babbled like anything.. fights, talks, poor jokes, dilemma solving, advices anything..all of these were with you only..
I don’t know about me. But you made yourself a person with whom I can actually talk with a confident heart and respect.. you may don’t have an idea what is it like to be without any best friend or a normal one either..
It wasn’t just fatigue that was on your face that I saw, it was your entire emotion out (believe me, you cannot hide that).
You may think, if I saw all these, why I didn’t talked then? What was the reason of silence? It wasn’t my anger, it was my disappointment with me..partially you too, for the shasti thing, but that was overlapped with mine.. like the person has been genuinely the best to me is going through some turmoil and the immediate reason was me only.. guilt acts in some strange manner.. I couldn’t talk to you, I knew it won’t help right then..
Shushobhan told me the other day, that he noticed an unnatural love-hate nature between us..i am always bullying you, you are always bullying me and then we make up.. for him this was the greatest sign of a strong friendship.. you remember when during you pebble dilemma messages, you told me that you are like on a journey and yet, you will always look back on me? Even if it meant just to annoy the hell out of me?
So, ending this long boring thing, I would just say, I’m sorry.. I was angry with you because I don’t have any other precise emotion to deal things..and plus I’ve the deepest love for you (you understand what I’m talking about,right?) I’ve been a narcissist person and will continue to be, but that does not give me the authority to be angry with you for longer than 2 days.. I’ve been very demanding, hard, complaining, but it was never my intention to hurt you..it never will be.i am not that bad.. I hope after reading this, wholly, I will have my little friend back again..
Always yours,
Mr. Holmes
p.s now I think there’s another emotion in me :/
If you are reading this, which I am partially certain of, I am writing this on a blog post because I don’t know what else to do.. suffering from social phobia, as they call it, I always try to avoid public speaking; so it’ll take a little time,ektu dhoirjyo dhore porish..
Last evening when we met, I was resolute that I’d avoid any conversation with you, and if it compels, the talk would be short.. I was irrationally angry. Even thought of screaming at you on the top of my lungs..thought you at least deserve this much after the previous incident. Deliberately tried the subtle scoldings.. my anger, if I may hope you know, is my weakest side.. I can’t control it..
But I guess, among the other temporary things, this particular emotion also fades away after a time..
Please don’t think that I am trying to be modest or trying to flatter you, as I think both of them are perversion of the literal truth.. so what you’ll be reading next is really hard for me to write..
When we’re crossing Chirag delhi area, I stole a glance or two at you..well..to be frank,it was not intentional.. while talking, Shushobhan twice mentioned that you’re fatigued by the roaming around.. maybe..he saw what he saw, or what he wanted to see.. I saw something else. Were your eyes gleaming with tears?? Like you were on the verge of bursting into sobs.. thrice you cleared your eyes.. It didn’t went unnoticed you know.. that moment was like a kick to me..
If I leave the last year out, when we met the first time in a night like this one, we’ve been in contact for almost 4 years.. last night, after I reached home and was sleepless, I realised that you, my dear, are the closest person who I can call a friend.. well, you were almost on all occasions, were there when I called or needed you.. In years, the only person after my parents and bhai, were you with whom I babbled like anything.. fights, talks, poor jokes, dilemma solving, advices anything..all of these were with you only..
I don’t know about me. But you made yourself a person with whom I can actually talk with a confident heart and respect.. you may don’t have an idea what is it like to be without any best friend or a normal one either..
It wasn’t just fatigue that was on your face that I saw, it was your entire emotion out (believe me, you cannot hide that).
You may think, if I saw all these, why I didn’t talked then? What was the reason of silence? It wasn’t my anger, it was my disappointment with me..partially you too, for the shasti thing, but that was overlapped with mine.. like the person has been genuinely the best to me is going through some turmoil and the immediate reason was me only.. guilt acts in some strange manner.. I couldn’t talk to you, I knew it won’t help right then..
Shushobhan told me the other day, that he noticed an unnatural love-hate nature between us..i am always bullying you, you are always bullying me and then we make up.. for him this was the greatest sign of a strong friendship.. you remember when during you pebble dilemma messages, you told me that you are like on a journey and yet, you will always look back on me? Even if it meant just to annoy the hell out of me?
So, ending this long boring thing, I would just say, I’m sorry.. I was angry with you because I don’t have any other precise emotion to deal things..and plus I’ve the deepest love for you (you understand what I’m talking about,right?) I’ve been a narcissist person and will continue to be, but that does not give me the authority to be angry with you for longer than 2 days.. I’ve been very demanding, hard, complaining, but it was never my intention to hurt you..it never will be.i am not that bad.. I hope after reading this, wholly, I will have my little friend back again..
Always yours,
Mr. Holmes
p.s now I think there’s another emotion in me :/
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