Alien

It’s not uncommon that everybody gets their heart heavy every now and then, that’s something which is beyond our help. As a fact, almost every emotion is beyond our help. Much to our dismay, we can’t control it, neither in ourselves, nor in others. But what we can do is talk it out, share it with someone whom we find close. It can be anybody; friends, relatives, the person much closer to us, the list is small but not that limited.

But there are a few, to whom these above stated persons are a luxury they couldn’t afford, me, being one of those. Sure, I do have people whom I can call friends, I do have someone who is much closer to my heart, even more than I am to myself, yet, if put plainly, I am alone. Alien. I do call someone my best friend, rather claim him to be my best friend, but the truth remains that I myself am unsure, uncertain of my acquaintance with people. And this isn’t some recent development; I’ve known this from school times, amplified in magnitudes these days. Maybe the wall that I built has been too high for anybody to scale and come to the other side. Whatever my emotions are, they remain inside the wall. If I am angry, it stays inside. The same happens when I am hurt (humane huh?) or am let down, disappointed, or even if I am happy, it never gets out, for there is no one to share these with. I just grit my teeth, or smile foolishly on my own, carrying on. Maybe a deep breath comes out but that’s it…I think!

 These emotions, in time, they just form a concrete brick and settle down, and in a longer run, they melt and wash away, unnoticed. I can’t ask anybody to reciprocate accordingly, neither can’t ask for a promise, yes, maybe I expect too much sometimes, but then, I realize, in this mist, I am on my own, alone, alienated… 

regards.