19th May, 2015.
I know it is too early that I am posting something, given that there was a stupid rant last night. I have been asked to post the next letter in the letter series, but it can wait. I am not going anywhere, and neither my brain is rotting, it is saved up there. This is about something else. The title must have made it a bit obvious if not entirely clear.
I just returned from C.R Park, and it was raining when I reached there. I walked, soaked in rain, went to library and donated some books, it was fun in rain. You know, actually, you should take a walk with me in rain. I promise you, by the end of the day, you will, quite inevitably, fall in love with me and the rainy days. Believe it, you will, I am that good. Mostly with rain, a little with me!
Anyways, this is not about my acute pluviophilia, it is about something else. If anyone of you had the opportunity to see the TV show Sherlock, there is this amazing quote: “all lives end, all heart gets broken, caring is not an advantage Sherlock!” it was spoken by Mycroft Holmes, his elder brother and far superior a detective, who looks us normal people as goldfish (nice metaphor btw).
So…why am I speaking of such heartless things? Well, you see, there was this message last night. I won’t go into the finer details; they are irrelevant for you and all. It said, and I quote “whatever you are, being egoistical to a person you can’t help caring is the last thing.” Quite right. Am I that readable? Or are my efforts to conceal myself are so quaint and vain? Perhaps the concerned person is right; I am, if anything, hardly egoistical towards the people I care about. Care, respect, love, anything. But it doesn’t mean I do not have an ego, no, I possess it much powerfully that it sometimes becomes hurtful to others. That is my disadvantage. Caring! The more I ask myself to shut the hell up and leave everyone, be reckless and uncaring, the more my other part shuns it out. Mycroft was right, caring is not an advantage. And Sherlock was right too, love is a chemical defect found on the losing side. So, here I am, on the losing side with a huge disadvantage. But then, isn’t it a much better position? Yes, I care way too much than it needs, than it requires, I love too much so that it sometimes seems maddening and which might have led to me into a greater insanity (oh well, sane people don’t feel the rain, they use umbrella and then sing song of rains), and indeed it has cost me a certain disadvantage of keeping my words and promises as my priorities. When the entire world is leaving the old school notions of such a blatant thing, I am constantly here, trying to be better than I was yesterday, or 5 minutes ago. Caring, loving. So, where does my ego goes? I just said that I do have an ego, where does it fit itself if inside these? Maybe it is like those disorders where if I start liking a person, sorry, if I start respecting a person, it becomes my pride. For instance, I have utter respect for people like my Dada, (I am excluding immediate family, my Dada is cousin), or friends like Dishant and Narcissus and Marion and Doc and Bohemian. For them, I have pride. I take pride in knowing them, having them, loving them. But for people other than them, who haven’t earned my respect for that matter, they aren’t worth of my time and energy. I have more cousins, and I don’t give the flying shit for them. I have other ‘acquaintances’ but they hardly matter to me, and there comes my ego. It becomes huge enough to let them wither away. Indeed, if the ask for my help, I can be there, but other than that, nuh-uh. I don’t mean to be rude, but if they can’t even touch my brain, what is the point of anything?
Anyways, the point that I so stupidly tried to make was, yes, the person was right, and yes, I will continue to be in such a disadvantaged side. For all that matters, I am not what I believe I was, it is such a better thing to do, be in love and care for those who are your cogs and gears in your heart… Sure, some take it for granted at times, my care sometimes becomes a bloody doormat. I let them do it, if it makes them feel good! I need to stop it though, until then!
Shiv is calling again and again, his exam tomorrow… damn, how many fools are there for me?
Ta!
I know it is too early that I am posting something, given that there was a stupid rant last night. I have been asked to post the next letter in the letter series, but it can wait. I am not going anywhere, and neither my brain is rotting, it is saved up there. This is about something else. The title must have made it a bit obvious if not entirely clear.
I just returned from C.R Park, and it was raining when I reached there. I walked, soaked in rain, went to library and donated some books, it was fun in rain. You know, actually, you should take a walk with me in rain. I promise you, by the end of the day, you will, quite inevitably, fall in love with me and the rainy days. Believe it, you will, I am that good. Mostly with rain, a little with me!
Anyways, this is not about my acute pluviophilia, it is about something else. If anyone of you had the opportunity to see the TV show Sherlock, there is this amazing quote: “all lives end, all heart gets broken, caring is not an advantage Sherlock!” it was spoken by Mycroft Holmes, his elder brother and far superior a detective, who looks us normal people as goldfish (nice metaphor btw).
So…why am I speaking of such heartless things? Well, you see, there was this message last night. I won’t go into the finer details; they are irrelevant for you and all. It said, and I quote “whatever you are, being egoistical to a person you can’t help caring is the last thing.” Quite right. Am I that readable? Or are my efforts to conceal myself are so quaint and vain? Perhaps the concerned person is right; I am, if anything, hardly egoistical towards the people I care about. Care, respect, love, anything. But it doesn’t mean I do not have an ego, no, I possess it much powerfully that it sometimes becomes hurtful to others. That is my disadvantage. Caring! The more I ask myself to shut the hell up and leave everyone, be reckless and uncaring, the more my other part shuns it out. Mycroft was right, caring is not an advantage. And Sherlock was right too, love is a chemical defect found on the losing side. So, here I am, on the losing side with a huge disadvantage. But then, isn’t it a much better position? Yes, I care way too much than it needs, than it requires, I love too much so that it sometimes seems maddening and which might have led to me into a greater insanity (oh well, sane people don’t feel the rain, they use umbrella and then sing song of rains), and indeed it has cost me a certain disadvantage of keeping my words and promises as my priorities. When the entire world is leaving the old school notions of such a blatant thing, I am constantly here, trying to be better than I was yesterday, or 5 minutes ago. Caring, loving. So, where does my ego goes? I just said that I do have an ego, where does it fit itself if inside these? Maybe it is like those disorders where if I start liking a person, sorry, if I start respecting a person, it becomes my pride. For instance, I have utter respect for people like my Dada, (I am excluding immediate family, my Dada is cousin), or friends like Dishant and Narcissus and Marion and Doc and Bohemian. For them, I have pride. I take pride in knowing them, having them, loving them. But for people other than them, who haven’t earned my respect for that matter, they aren’t worth of my time and energy. I have more cousins, and I don’t give the flying shit for them. I have other ‘acquaintances’ but they hardly matter to me, and there comes my ego. It becomes huge enough to let them wither away. Indeed, if the ask for my help, I can be there, but other than that, nuh-uh. I don’t mean to be rude, but if they can’t even touch my brain, what is the point of anything?
Anyways, the point that I so stupidly tried to make was, yes, the person was right, and yes, I will continue to be in such a disadvantaged side. For all that matters, I am not what I believe I was, it is such a better thing to do, be in love and care for those who are your cogs and gears in your heart… Sure, some take it for granted at times, my care sometimes becomes a bloody doormat. I let them do it, if it makes them feel good! I need to stop it though, until then!
Shiv is calling again and again, his exam tomorrow… damn, how many fools are there for me?
Ta!
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