Sulk.

14^th May, 2015.

12^th May 2015. 4.45 pm. Surajkund Helipad. 5 young people with the broadest variations of emotions, smoking cigarettes and maybe pondering over things unknown to each other. Narcissus was right in a certain way. I was sulking. But not because of one obvious reason, there were many.

11^th May, 2015. 9.10 pm. A call came which I wasn’t expecting. Actually, if anything, I was expecting that there would not be a call, but then, it did. Marion called, and there wasn’t a request but matter of fact order, “you have to come!”, couldn’t refuse.

It was his birthday, narcissus’, and I was invited. No big deal right? I mean, it just a birthday party, how can it even qualify to be on a blog to be written and to be read? Yet, considering all that I have seen, been through or done, it does become a certain issue with me, in a better way of course.

You see, I have a best friend, Dishant. Yes, maybe the only best friend I have. Even then, I do not expect much from him. I know his birthday, I know Veenu’s birthday (his girlfriend) I know Newton’s birthday, the bohemian's birthday, and everyone else’s birthday for whom I have the deepest respect and love only, and yet I don’t expect a phone call or an invitation to be there. I really don’t. I stopped that when I was in school, class 11, when I had this really close friend, or so I thought. She was having her birthday party in lunchtime. Everyone was invited, really, all of them. But me, I was quite invisible. I went into the classroom to wish her, but I saw, not happiness but awkwardness in their faces and I knew I wasn’t needed there. They would have a much better time if I left and so I did. After that, I sort of promised to myself to avoid all such trivial things and trained myself to be detached from such expectations to be called or that my presence would make any difference there. As I said, I remember all the birthdays of the people close to me, yet I do not expect anything. To be very truthful, I do not even expect any call own my own birthday. As much as i love my friends, my closest people to my heart, i really don't expect, not much in a sense of saying. It had been so for so long that I don’t know what to feel or what to say. The last birthday was an exception, with that call, that phone at 8.30 pm when we talked and I was wished with the song. Anyways, that is for a later matter to rant about. I will say, it was beautiful.

As said, I don’t know how or why my presence means that much to Marion, Narcissus or to Roy for that matter (who was really adamant for my presence), I was going through a lot. Not because I was happy or overjoyed, but because it wasn’t normal for me. Yes, I root for all kinds of chaos and entropy, serious types of maddening shenanigans and all sorts of things that might seem eerily repulsive, but they are my design, I create them for my own existing behavior. But this, this was a lot to take in and then let it settle. I am not saying that I didn’t enjoyed, hell, it was a pretty awesome day for me, given my rather dull routines these days, but then, you cannot handle everything all at once. Life is not really a game of chess, you cannot, not in a million years, you can plan and calculate and then hope that they will fall into right places. Never happens. And since it is really not in our control, we can just do one thing, sit down and take a moment. Yes, he was right, I was sulking. I was indeed, sulking regarding too many a things. Sometimes, you need to smoke and sulk to know what is going on. An absence, a message, a dialogue and the moment itself. The helipad is somewhere you can sit silently and look over the dry green shrubs, the cawing of peacocks, and the honks of cars far down the road, yet they won’t be disturbing in the least. I was really rooting for a presence of the face so beautiful, I was trying to figure out the need for a certain unrelated thing and the dialogue I had with a person. Then there was this event too.

Well, in any case, I would like to thank you mate… no, actually, I would like to thank Marion for calling me up and quite intimidating manner demand my rather inconclusive presence. I guess, as of right now, I do exist somewhere. And maybe that is all for me to celebrate!

Regards!

p. s – two things, Lucifer is finally getting a show, ah, that devil! (I would like that name for me, LUCIFER!)