12th May, 2015.
Letter 5
“2nd November, 2014.
Darling _______
Well, how can I describe what the morning was like? I told
you I go to jog every day, and the morning mist is just…OOOFFFF!!! Like you would
have a serious urge to get that mist in a cup and sip it, tasting its dewy
texture until it gets down your throat. That sheer feeling of content when I see
the sun finally breaking out of the sky. I told you I would take you there; it
is something that I really want to share with the one person. A morning date
please? Pretty please?
Anyways, I hope you like the sketch I made of you. Well, the
nose is a bit like a beak, please forgive me, I am not an artist like you. And I
used just pen, so no scope of erasing. I just saw your photo and did it! ( :/ )
Now that you are basked in the glory of your own sketch, let
me talk. It is about your blog dated 22nd October, 2014. Yes, I read
your blogs a couple of times. Hmmm… why do you thank me for such a little
thing? I mean, I just made you write in your diary when you weren’t. Okay, let
me explain.
When I say I love you, it is not just that warm fuzzy
feeling in the heart, or that need or urge to see my phone every morning or
that long conversations until late of nights. I mean, they are so clichéd things,
right? Romantic, yes, but you know me, I am a bit unnatural I a certain way of
expressing things. When I say I love
you, I have a responsibility. To make you better than you are, or atleast take
you back, undone you, uncover you. I am not just your boyfriend or man or
whatever the term we use, we share a much, much deeper bond, respected and
understood. Can you give me any instance when the girl or the boy pushes the
other person to do something that is just right? You remember I asked you every
day, to complete the “whiskey in teacup” analogy? I didn’t wanted it because it
was for me, your love is enough an analogy. I asked you to write it because I wanted
you to write. You are a great writer you see; your ideas about a story and
their subsequent execution are beautiful. I wanted to see your bohemian style
because frankly, no one drinks whiskey in a teacup, let alone metaphorising it
with a person! It could only be you! Or remember the Haiku class in your
British council? The Hypothermia poetry? (that was…ha!) everybody else might have
written all the usual things, yours was out of the usual. I am not flattering you;
I am just making a point. So, I pushed you to write the diary, the part of you
which has been since so long… like 9 or 10 years of your life? I don’t know
exactly. So when I asked, pushed you to write, write, write, I only wanted you
to pick your pen, and bleed it out. Whatever you were/are thinking. I don’t know
if I have a place in your journals, I don’t mind if am not.
Now, there are people, “lovers” I see out there who just are
there! Unaware of each other. Yes I am comparing, because that is what I am! Look
at Dishant-Veenu (you gotta meet them), Shimpy-Sanjay, Newton-Mishti or anyone
else you know. But have you ever seen them push each other at their better
core? Sure, they love each other, true in all senses and their hearts are
connected, but really, where is the urge to know each other? They know their
likes, dislikes, past, like I do know you, your past, your faults and fairness,
and you do about me, but there is more to us both! It is not about knowing what
is already so obvious; it is about knowing what is beneath so much of drama we
hold. I pushed you to write a page but wasn’t me who took you back to your
roots of knowing and existence as you so eloquently put in your X-ray blog, it
was you, all the way. I just took you to the edge and saw you fly! That is a
flight too my love, that one page was your flight in your own accord. I don’t know
how many people risk that, the push to the person they love. Mostly people will
look in your eyes and speak all sorts of honey laced things, fantasies and
dreams and all. They will expect you’re abundant in their mediocrity. But me?
My dear, even though I do these things too, I dare to risk. I want to take you
to the cliff and ask you to jump, so that you know what is flying. Love is not
all about feeling safe in one’s arms, melted like a butter bar, no! it is, as I
have learnt by being with you only s_____a, the fact that the edge is always
there and how strongly will you go to know yourself! And I will push you again
and again, not as a pushover of do this and be with me or call me and text me,
but as a friend, to know your limits, and exceed them, expand them, as I myself
am pushing me, as you too push me to do what I do good, to do better and then
to do best! Believe me, not many people do this, they are afraid! I do this
because I love you and I want to know why you are instead of who you are!
I guess now you know, you don’t need to thank me! it was my
sincere obligation to my own heart actually. What you do need to do is, believe
me, trust me a little when I am trying to push, I am really trying to open
another door inside you, love! But still, I am honored that you feel special
that I have been there for things like these. I will always be there for you my
darling!
Love you always!
R.B (signature)
p. s – got my monthly payment from the tuitions, phuchkaa
khaabi ebaar?…"
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