Chasing

30^th November, 2015.

Tonite, let’s all make love in London!

No, I am not high or anything, but I’d seriously consider being high right about now… anything with a concentrated 7% solution will work… I am so bloody done for now!

So, a rhetoric question, what’s common between a dog chasing car and a guy who just got over with his exam and is heading to a month long vacation? Rhetoric answer, the euphoric feelings when you’re running and the sense of sheer cluelessness when you achieve it, both the car and the vacation. I have literally no idea what am I gonna do. Drew up a schedule, made plans and threw the paper down into the trash bin. A whole bloody month, and here I was making plans? What has gone wrong with me? I am not fan of pre planned things, for two or three reasons. What have I learnt is that it is better to be in Paris always! I know, no one will understand the reference or rather the relation between the December vacations and Paris, but then, it’s only human for humans.

Pseudo-philosophy isn’t a cup of tea to me. Neither is haiku poetry. Really, like, where’s the rhythm? But why shall it anyway mean that I can’t try any of them? On a second thought, forget it. I am just babbling.

So, there had been some developments around me, I don’t know if we can call them development, but in the unavailability of a good vocabulary, I’d stick to that. If I were to be as cryptic as Chinese philosophers, I’d say, that it really doesn’t needs much effort to mend your past errors, although, denial might just be the greatest err you’ll commit and you won’t get chances over and over. And it takes a lot to take one step to anywhere. I saw both these happen, well more or less. I don’t know what to make of them, or if there’s anything to make anyways, but I’d have my share of life as we know it. It’s not much, but enough to understand the underlying pattern of whatever that’s not really impossible.

Right now I am engaged in a conflicted conversation with myself (when I say myself…). I am talking about dust and sea, the chaos that raises them and the tranquil element of nothingness that just is overwhelming, haunting, dead, but peaceful which settles down. Right now, I am high on the taste of the overpowering winter cold that pierces your skin and burn you right to your bones. I am visiting my old rooms of sandcastle with nothing but a flashlight, hoping to find absolutely nothing but dust and damp pages. I am reading my old diaries, finding a leaf of eucalyptus tucked in, a bougainvillea flower, dried under the heaviness of inked words and my poetry and his love and all the dark nights and the madman’s quotes. I hope nothing from this; I hope nothing from the old archived mails from 2014. Oh well, I have tucked my hope for the time being. Time to be the doctor maybe!

Oh well, I went all Oscar Wilde up there! Forgive me! As I said, dog chasing car and I chasing vacation. It is not even day 1! I wonder what I will be by the end of this. Would I be what you knew me as? Would I be what I knew of me again? Or something for cynical? Or someone more loving and caring? Or something amazing? Absolutely fantastic maybe!

Well, I guess I’d be writing more this December. After all, it is December!

Oh and, to all of you or to you personally, one to one, whosoever is reading this, I must say this; I might am not what you expected me to be today, I might have changed, hell, I might am a complete new deal you know! But that doesn’t means that I have left you without any option. No! in the end, I was always thus! And always thus I will be! for you, for none!

So long then love/mate!

Regards!

P.S - December is here! i wish each and all a very passionate winter! And i will be always round the corner love! - morpheus!