I found this...letter somewhere on the internet. Thought I would it share it, since I have nothing else to do I guess.
"January 31, 2016
I’ve read, watched and heard about heartache. They said it hurts like needles to your chest and your head feels heavy. You feel like breaking down into tiny pieces that seem impossible to put back together.
But I think tonight is one of those nights when I am feeling it. I can hear loud shrieking sounds in the silence of my room. I can vividly listen to the sound of my tears rolling down my cheeks and my breathing getting heavier with every memory that flashes in my head. I know I’m shouting and crying in vain inside of me but I’m not making any sound because I’m afraid someone will get to know what’s happening to me. I’m trying to tell myself that this is just a matter of a few more minutes but I know it too well to fool myself into believing it. Ceaselessly aiming to making this the first and last time I let myself be weighed down by the memories of my past and stand tall to my future but I know I’m failing.
Its hurting me to even remember it. I am relentlessly focussing my brain on tiny vestiges of the times long gone. I’m trying to recollect the minutest details of moments, snippets and fractions of seconds buried in the closets of my heart and mind. I might find them somewhere right ? Maybe if I try harder I’ll also find an answer to it. Perhaps I’ll finally know why I did what I did and why I never gathered the courage to fix it.
Why I am letting it haunt me now, let alone why it haunts me?
The hurting has lessened now. No, I don’t mean that I am okay, its probably worse now. I hear my head ringing. I feel my agitated fingers hitting the buttons on the keyboard too strongly.
You know what’s on my mind right now? I want to write a letter to you. The longest letter ever. I want to write down everything that has happened to me, changed in me and improved in me. Whatever I have realized and whatever I wish hadn’t ever since I’ve lived a life without you.
Oh. My fingers are suddenly moving faster across these letters. They seem to be my only way of reaching out to you tonight. I know this is never going to reach you in reality but at least in my head I’m typing this out believing you know all this, if not all, you will perhaps know the bits I need you to know. So yeah, going back to when I wrote ‘lived without you.’ I have never been without you. Not a single day. I’ve had days where i adequately convinced myself that i don’t want/need/miss/feel for/ wish to see you but never have I had a day without you. You have been right there in me ever since I told you I don’t need you.
Why did I do that?
I still don’t know. All I remember is you fading away from my life. I remember I let you go.
I feel numb now. I’ve looked at my phone 500 times in the last 40 minutes hoping you might say something. Send me a goddamn full stop maybe. I am desperately in need of some sort of consolation. I need someone, just anyone to tell me it will be okay. And its funny again how I’m writing someone or anyone when I know that all I need is you right now. Nothing else.
Find me a time turner, now."
"January 31, 2016
I’ve read, watched and heard about heartache. They said it hurts like needles to your chest and your head feels heavy. You feel like breaking down into tiny pieces that seem impossible to put back together.
But I think tonight is one of those nights when I am feeling it. I can hear loud shrieking sounds in the silence of my room. I can vividly listen to the sound of my tears rolling down my cheeks and my breathing getting heavier with every memory that flashes in my head. I know I’m shouting and crying in vain inside of me but I’m not making any sound because I’m afraid someone will get to know what’s happening to me. I’m trying to tell myself that this is just a matter of a few more minutes but I know it too well to fool myself into believing it. Ceaselessly aiming to making this the first and last time I let myself be weighed down by the memories of my past and stand tall to my future but I know I’m failing.
Its hurting me to even remember it. I am relentlessly focussing my brain on tiny vestiges of the times long gone. I’m trying to recollect the minutest details of moments, snippets and fractions of seconds buried in the closets of my heart and mind. I might find them somewhere right ? Maybe if I try harder I’ll also find an answer to it. Perhaps I’ll finally know why I did what I did and why I never gathered the courage to fix it.
Why I am letting it haunt me now, let alone why it haunts me?
The hurting has lessened now. No, I don’t mean that I am okay, its probably worse now. I hear my head ringing. I feel my agitated fingers hitting the buttons on the keyboard too strongly.
You know what’s on my mind right now? I want to write a letter to you. The longest letter ever. I want to write down everything that has happened to me, changed in me and improved in me. Whatever I have realized and whatever I wish hadn’t ever since I’ve lived a life without you.
Oh. My fingers are suddenly moving faster across these letters. They seem to be my only way of reaching out to you tonight. I know this is never going to reach you in reality but at least in my head I’m typing this out believing you know all this, if not all, you will perhaps know the bits I need you to know. So yeah, going back to when I wrote ‘lived without you.’ I have never been without you. Not a single day. I’ve had days where i adequately convinced myself that i don’t want/need/miss/feel for/ wish to see you but never have I had a day without you. You have been right there in me ever since I told you I don’t need you.
Why did I do that?
I still don’t know. All I remember is you fading away from my life. I remember I let you go.
I feel numb now. I’ve looked at my phone 500 times in the last 40 minutes hoping you might say something. Send me a goddamn full stop maybe. I am desperately in need of some sort of consolation. I need someone, just anyone to tell me it will be okay. And its funny again how I’m writing someone or anyone when I know that all I need is you right now. Nothing else.
Find me a time turner, now."
No comments:
Post a Comment