Sticky note #12

12th September, 2017.

I was cleaning some stuff out today, old and decrepit stuff, and I found my old diaries from 2013 to 2015.

Now it shouldn't be any surprise to me to have those because I never threw them out, it was more of a mixed surprise to stumble upon those stuff once again. I wasn't sure if I'd like to see them again, but I did.

Some memories are hilarious, in the same vein of being sad and morose. A stroll down the memory lane, as clichéd as it sounds, is not always a happy thing, not a sad thing either. It just is, and so it was with the diaries.

There are stuff in there along with so many things that I wrote as a person back then that I find utterly ridiculous now, so much so, that some of the entries seriously made me doubt of my being, that I, in my right mind and unaltered faculty, wrote those things just as much i believed in them. Some of the entries seems more than outrageous and some were naïve enough to make me feel dumb. At point of time, when I read them now, I see that it was just as good as an outlet I needed to shut the voices around me and the only reason they seem funny and hilarious now is because I grew out of those emotions. Or rather, the emotions are there, I grew out of those memories and time. As uncomfortable and unconventional it might sound, my "trust compass" have changed drastically and I think that all of those entries, some of which were addressed to people/person, now resembles nothing but a bland, fading work of art done by a 5th grader. I'm not saying that I have stopped emoting (which I will like to do), I'm just saying that maybe it was a time when I did stuff and now is a time I don't do stuff, specifically those stuff which made me famous or something. That guy in those pages is no more to be found and possibly that's why I had a good laugh when I read the entries, especially from the month of November. Or I would like to believe so.

That being said, I think we all should write about stuff, we all should keep a diary, especially when we think we are going to die. If you do indeed die, then it's fine; but if you don't, if you survive all those uncalled heartbreaks and loneliness and after some years you read them back, you'll find that there are things that will make you laugh at the end of it.

Maybe share those things, the diaries, with the person now you care about the most and share your stuff with, after all, that's what makes us strong I guess.

R.