Gabirol's serenity prayer.

30th October 2018.

Things get clearer in times of solace. I have heard this piece of eternal wisdom for n number of times and regardless of that, it never made sense to me. Now that I think about it, nothing makes sense to us unless they want to. And that's okay, not everything is a clear result of cause to effect, never is.

Solomon ibn Gabirol said that at the head of all understanding – is realizing what is and what cannot be, and the consoling of what is not in our power to change. So even if I might try to understand a certain things at a given point, this axiom renders it null.

I am wary of the promises, not as a stung person, but I now understand the futility of it, the asininity it presents is bewildering. I for one, had believed that we can always use our words first, communicate, think and rationalize even the most trickiest of situations and for most of the part, I was either too successful or was too blind to determine the course my words took. This in recent times have proved to be fatal to my most intimate relationships - of friends.

Yes I agree that in an age of extreme rote lives people mostly now engage in more prudish forms of association, where it lacks a lot of emotional contents; and rightly so, it's easy, expedient, but that makes sense as it reduces the off chance of getting robbed of one's own existence. I am a bit old school, "rusty old soul", a friend calls me, naturally I prefer things to be more connected or not connected at all. Which I now see has been a grievous fault; my propensity to take matters at an extreme level had always been a problem if not driving things to a point of sudden and abrupt endings. It leads me to wonder, whether there's something wrong in my approach. With age and events I am not growing wise, I am getting tired, my indiscretion comes not from self awareness but from an unbearable exhaustion.

The drivel and the manic misfortunes which just doesn't seems to end boils down to a more refined understanding of human bonds, for me at least; there are people, good in their own accord, who cannot seem to grasp what chances are. Now, it might seem as my hubris speaking, but I understand now that regardless of my best of promises, no matter what I did, the fault lines were always there. If not me then someone else would have came across them.

Do I want to cross the bridge once more or not is not a question for now, and by my estimate, it never will be. But then again, it is indeed a small world after all.

R.