23rd October, 2013.
It is strange how a seemingly small matter can become a turning key of your life.. As I write this down, I find myself in between a rock and a hard place.. something happened which shouldn't have and I am like crushed under an avalanche of emotions..
My previous blogs were about, if I remember it correctly, the pujo's (durga pujo) reminiscence and realizations..the way my previous pujos were and what I've realized in its course..the impacts on my life..who knew, that this pujo was going to be this much extravagant in nature..? Extraordinary things were coursed in the way of my rather pathetic life.. Everything I believed in was to be shattered in one single blow, which did happened..
The durga pujo, has 4 consecutive days of celebration..Shapatami, ashtami, navami and dashami… this year, the pujo was not going as I expected it to be.. my whole plans and schedules were crushed and changed, but it didn’t mattered as later, it was made up.. not to my mark of expectations, I agree, but still.. I mean, its festive seasons and plus, I can’t hold up a grudge for long.
Everything was just fine until the last day of the celebrations, fights were over, hearts were won again, teary apologies and unsaid forgiveness were followed.. but little I knew that Dashami was going to be the day I both resented and waited upon for years.. I fell in love with the most beautiful person I met.. Following a protocol, I won’t be calling her name, but the title I gave her- bohemian.. for reasons I better keep to me.. Back in my school days, I’ve always been resentful towards the notion of “love”.. for me it was a waste of time, talents,resources, and everything creative.. I had always kept myself divorced from it, pissed off on some reasons.. but then, a naïve mind always gets the image of everything it hates as degrading and unworthy. Even in the initial days of my college, I pretended to be an agonistic narcissist guy, with a very little empathy.. but I guess, fate had something else for me..
On dashami, id est., the last day of pujo, bohemian told me that she had been asked out by a friend of ours, that he asked for her hand, she agreed and then suddenly recoiled and declined his proposal.. in a whirlwind she was…the guy who asked her accused of being impractical and deceitful person..(A b*tch in normal language).. well, to be truthful, she is little cranked up for others.. just another girl next door.. me? If you ask, she is more than normal.. why she did it, rejected him, and hurt herself is beyond my authority to judge.. she told me, vaguely, that she had a reason, but I didn’t dared to ask, I knew the answer she’d give will rouse my unwanted curiosity…
Anyways, that moment.. when she told me that she was proposed and she bailed out, I was almost devastated.. the I realized, even I had denied it in front of my friends, I’ve in love with her from the very beginning.. from the moment I met her, I’ve heels over head for her.. for 4 years I kept it inside me.. I just wrote a letter for her with my feelings, but never posted it.. just looked at it and thought that I will send it one day.. I will tell her that I love her from the last point of my heart.. not like the hindi movies, but the kind of love that comes all of a sudden, and wrings your heart, but never found the courage. But that evening, the dam holding the emotions broke out..a flood was ensued.. I decided to give her the letter, without any expectations for a reply.. she read, but to my amazement, she didn’t threw a tantrum like normal people do.. man.. a girl she is..
Anyways, I told her that coming November, it’s gonna be official..she panicked, as a concerned friend, she asked that why am I doing this?? I know that she is going to say no, why don’t I save myself from the heartbreak and false hopes..?? hah..!! lady, if you are reading this..you know how persistent I am,don’t you ?? and who knows, may your heart change your decision..you do take your decisions from your heart, don’t you??
She mentioned that the guy had broken all the contacts and ties with her..that to being a childhood friend.. said that she had cheated on him..but what she actually wanted, was to ask me if I am going to do the same thing if she rejects?..if I had my way,my dear, I would leave my heart with you as a promise that whatever happens, I’ll be there, even if it’s just to annoy you..but leaving you?? Never..!!
Summing up.. I hope that for the first time, if there is god, he answers my prayers..i would need it badly..Readers, who have been bored by now I guess, pray for me..
Good night..
It is strange how a seemingly small matter can become a turning key of your life.. As I write this down, I find myself in between a rock and a hard place.. something happened which shouldn't have and I am like crushed under an avalanche of emotions..
My previous blogs were about, if I remember it correctly, the pujo's (durga pujo) reminiscence and realizations..the way my previous pujos were and what I've realized in its course..the impacts on my life..who knew, that this pujo was going to be this much extravagant in nature..? Extraordinary things were coursed in the way of my rather pathetic life.. Everything I believed in was to be shattered in one single blow, which did happened..
The durga pujo, has 4 consecutive days of celebration..Shapatami, ashtami, navami and dashami… this year, the pujo was not going as I expected it to be.. my whole plans and schedules were crushed and changed, but it didn’t mattered as later, it was made up.. not to my mark of expectations, I agree, but still.. I mean, its festive seasons and plus, I can’t hold up a grudge for long.
Everything was just fine until the last day of the celebrations, fights were over, hearts were won again, teary apologies and unsaid forgiveness were followed.. but little I knew that Dashami was going to be the day I both resented and waited upon for years.. I fell in love with the most beautiful person I met.. Following a protocol, I won’t be calling her name, but the title I gave her- bohemian.. for reasons I better keep to me.. Back in my school days, I’ve always been resentful towards the notion of “love”.. for me it was a waste of time, talents,resources, and everything creative.. I had always kept myself divorced from it, pissed off on some reasons.. but then, a naïve mind always gets the image of everything it hates as degrading and unworthy. Even in the initial days of my college, I pretended to be an agonistic narcissist guy, with a very little empathy.. but I guess, fate had something else for me..
On dashami, id est., the last day of pujo, bohemian told me that she had been asked out by a friend of ours, that he asked for her hand, she agreed and then suddenly recoiled and declined his proposal.. in a whirlwind she was…the guy who asked her accused of being impractical and deceitful person..(A b*tch in normal language).. well, to be truthful, she is little cranked up for others.. just another girl next door.. me? If you ask, she is more than normal.. why she did it, rejected him, and hurt herself is beyond my authority to judge.. she told me, vaguely, that she had a reason, but I didn’t dared to ask, I knew the answer she’d give will rouse my unwanted curiosity…
Anyways, that moment.. when she told me that she was proposed and she bailed out, I was almost devastated.. the I realized, even I had denied it in front of my friends, I’ve in love with her from the very beginning.. from the moment I met her, I’ve heels over head for her.. for 4 years I kept it inside me.. I just wrote a letter for her with my feelings, but never posted it.. just looked at it and thought that I will send it one day.. I will tell her that I love her from the last point of my heart.. not like the hindi movies, but the kind of love that comes all of a sudden, and wrings your heart, but never found the courage. But that evening, the dam holding the emotions broke out..a flood was ensued.. I decided to give her the letter, without any expectations for a reply.. she read, but to my amazement, she didn’t threw a tantrum like normal people do.. man.. a girl she is..
Anyways, I told her that coming November, it’s gonna be official..she panicked, as a concerned friend, she asked that why am I doing this?? I know that she is going to say no, why don’t I save myself from the heartbreak and false hopes..?? hah..!! lady, if you are reading this..you know how persistent I am,don’t you ?? and who knows, may your heart change your decision..you do take your decisions from your heart, don’t you??
She mentioned that the guy had broken all the contacts and ties with her..that to being a childhood friend.. said that she had cheated on him..but what she actually wanted, was to ask me if I am going to do the same thing if she rejects?..if I had my way,my dear, I would leave my heart with you as a promise that whatever happens, I’ll be there, even if it’s just to annoy you..but leaving you?? Never..!!
Summing up.. I hope that for the first time, if there is god, he answers my prayers..i would need it badly..Readers, who have been bored by now I guess, pray for me..
Good night..
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