23rd December, 2013.
Two days to Christmas Eve. I do not have much inclination towards this festival, as there is nothing to do more than buying a cake for family, greeting friends, and probably because me and Santa has some unresolved issues, but that a different story. I ask, he does not respond, and the world goes on, anyways.
Now the strange thing is, whenever we think about Christmas, the first thing that pops is an image of a huge cathedral, decorated with festoons, and stars, and a big Christmas tree, a Santa giving gifts and stuff to kids. My image has the same story, but is more vividly highlighted with a small conversation that took place almost 6 years ago. And it has become an involuntary tradition for me, going back to the date. Although the conversation does takes place at a church, it was in the summer of 2007 or 08 when I was in Bandel, my father’s hometown in west Bengal, way far than Christmas.
That year, we (my family) went to Bandel for summer vacations. Now every time I visit that place, I make it a point to visit that church for unknown reasons. I just go there, spend some time alone adoring the 200 years old church and find a solitary peace. This conversation took place on such a day, when me, bhai and my brother in law visited there. They went in and as usual, I lagged behind looking at things with the same awestruck manner that I do every time, when suddenly an old, croaked feminine voice calls me from behind- “any spare change?”
“ Me, turning to find a wrinkled face, ragged clothes a frail body- ‘sorry?’
Woman- do you have any spare change, son?
Me- (staring for a moment)- yeah, yeah. Here, (handed her 30 bucks that maa gave me)
Woman- oh god bless you son, bless you. People toss me a coin or two, 30 bucks?
Me- yeah, well, I have plenty. By the way…that god part…I don’t want to sound rude but, I don’t believe in your god. Not even on mine as far as they are concerned.
Woman- oh…Why? You don’t have faith on god?
Me- no. what is the point on having faith on someone whom you can’t talk with? Faith and trust needs to be build, isn’t it? I asked for so many things, none of them were responded. They are not there. I lost my existing faith on them.
Woman- oh child, that is a serious accusation you made on yourself. You see, you don’t even know, yet you believe on god.
Me- I don’t follow…
Woman- you said you don’t have faith on god, yet you just gave me the money you had, without any second thought, because you believed that I need that money. You build your trust on me without thinking. And you had faith that I am not going to deceive you.
Me- that does not proves that I believe in him.
Woman- no, that means you have faith on people. And god resides in us all the time, so you do believe in him, but you don’t know it yet. It will take time, but you will find your faith and your peace. I have this much faith in you.
And even if you don’t have faith in him, he has his utmost faith on you. He knows you won’t let him down. And he loves you. Here, take this (hands me a tiny bracelet with a cross on it.).
Me- why?
Woman- keep it as my blessing, son. Consider this is my faith on you that one day, you will know that your grudge against him was meaningless and his works are mysterious. And when you find a person on whom you can put your faith, give this cross to him or her. Put your faith on them, you won’t be disappointed. Goodbye child, you need to go, and find your lost faith.”
And until this day, I have that cross with me. Maybe it is time to give it someone else. Thank you woman, for at least trying to restore my faith.
Thank you for keeping faith on me.
Merry Christmas to you, wherever you are.
Two days to Christmas Eve. I do not have much inclination towards this festival, as there is nothing to do more than buying a cake for family, greeting friends, and probably because me and Santa has some unresolved issues, but that a different story. I ask, he does not respond, and the world goes on, anyways.
Now the strange thing is, whenever we think about Christmas, the first thing that pops is an image of a huge cathedral, decorated with festoons, and stars, and a big Christmas tree, a Santa giving gifts and stuff to kids. My image has the same story, but is more vividly highlighted with a small conversation that took place almost 6 years ago. And it has become an involuntary tradition for me, going back to the date. Although the conversation does takes place at a church, it was in the summer of 2007 or 08 when I was in Bandel, my father’s hometown in west Bengal, way far than Christmas.
That year, we (my family) went to Bandel for summer vacations. Now every time I visit that place, I make it a point to visit that church for unknown reasons. I just go there, spend some time alone adoring the 200 years old church and find a solitary peace. This conversation took place on such a day, when me, bhai and my brother in law visited there. They went in and as usual, I lagged behind looking at things with the same awestruck manner that I do every time, when suddenly an old, croaked feminine voice calls me from behind- “any spare change?”
“ Me, turning to find a wrinkled face, ragged clothes a frail body- ‘sorry?’
Woman- do you have any spare change, son?
Me- (staring for a moment)- yeah, yeah. Here, (handed her 30 bucks that maa gave me)
Woman- oh god bless you son, bless you. People toss me a coin or two, 30 bucks?
Me- yeah, well, I have plenty. By the way…that god part…I don’t want to sound rude but, I don’t believe in your god. Not even on mine as far as they are concerned.
Woman- oh…Why? You don’t have faith on god?
Me- no. what is the point on having faith on someone whom you can’t talk with? Faith and trust needs to be build, isn’t it? I asked for so many things, none of them were responded. They are not there. I lost my existing faith on them.
Woman- oh child, that is a serious accusation you made on yourself. You see, you don’t even know, yet you believe on god.
Me- I don’t follow…
Woman- you said you don’t have faith on god, yet you just gave me the money you had, without any second thought, because you believed that I need that money. You build your trust on me without thinking. And you had faith that I am not going to deceive you.
Me- that does not proves that I believe in him.
Woman- no, that means you have faith on people. And god resides in us all the time, so you do believe in him, but you don’t know it yet. It will take time, but you will find your faith and your peace. I have this much faith in you.
And even if you don’t have faith in him, he has his utmost faith on you. He knows you won’t let him down. And he loves you. Here, take this (hands me a tiny bracelet with a cross on it.).
Me- why?
Woman- keep it as my blessing, son. Consider this is my faith on you that one day, you will know that your grudge against him was meaningless and his works are mysterious. And when you find a person on whom you can put your faith, give this cross to him or her. Put your faith on them, you won’t be disappointed. Goodbye child, you need to go, and find your lost faith.”
And until this day, I have that cross with me. Maybe it is time to give it someone else. Thank you woman, for at least trying to restore my faith.
Thank you for keeping faith on me.
Merry Christmas to you, wherever you are.
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