Ability

14^th February, 2015.

Hello there, my virtual readers from the digital plane! Happy February to all of you! Okay I can’t do it any further, this unnecessary verbose of dandy jolly conversation starter. I haven’t been a good conversation starter anyway, isn’t one of my skills. I’d rather just get on with my rant, and as per usual conditions, you’re free to choose; keep reading, or indulge yourself in a blissful act. I’d advise the latter one.

Speaking of skills, I really don’t possess one. I mean, I know people with unimaginable set of skills, like there’s a guy, you give him a canvas, a paint brush, some colors and he will give you visual treat, there is another guy with the same sort of talent, only with a camera. Then there is a guy who writes and is raw in his expressions (or so he says and I really cannot argue). Then there is this girl I know, actually two of them who are far much better in writing than me and sometimes I thrive to be like them, one of them was my inspiration behind the creation of this page, both of them can draw, both have amazing voice quality and are amazing singers. I on the other hand am just a bag of old boot (I don’t even know what that means but it has a ring to it). Yes, I lack skills. I can’t paint, sing, play guitar, or table or any other musical instrument whatsoever and you possibly cannot say that these are good writings. It’s a load of crap most of the times.

But if I were to boast of something, totally random stuff, I’d say that I have an ability to listen. Not just hear, listen. Paying attention to whatever the person I front of me is speaking, and getting the necessary things differentiated from crass things. People these days don’t listen, they even don’t hear stuff. Well there are two reasons which I can think of! One, you cannot hear anything if you’re deafened by the earphones all the time, and two, people don’t have time for anyone else’s drama, their bed of bliss and blanket of apathy in their rooms of self-center-polis is way too much cozy. Well I am not saying everyone is like that, it cannot be like that, there is a balance of things, but to be frank, that’s somewhat the truth I see out there.

Well I am not here to reprimand anyone of them, I mean it is their life to decide, they can play poker with it for all I care; I am here to speak of myself, and maybe boast and brag! As I was saying, I listen. No, I am not that bearded guy under the banyan tree with all the solutions to your queries before you get that idea, but yes, I do have that ability. In recent times, when I was not so invisible to people (believe me, when you leave for college, you are bound to get noticed) in college and made ‘friends’ I came across situations that would’ve been a dire enigma to me couple of years ago. There were situations, dilemmas, conflicts that were unwanted and unnecessary to someone. I was somehow able to help. Not directly though, I don’t take matters in my own hands, they are unstable like that anti-matter in universe, I just listened, and may have presented a solution (mleh, I talk like I have averted world war three!).

Well, to say that I listen won’t be an overstatement I suppose, I don’t talk much. I have been accused of being too secretive about myself, not talking much (recent meetings at saraswati pujo might be the incriminating evidence!) and more importantly, not emoting myself. A couple of nights ago, I was told that I am too stupid, I feel things way more than normal but I emote even less than a spoonful. Might be true. In contrast to those disadvantages, I listen. And not just that, I let myself get dragged into certain matters and events that shouldn’t be my headache. I do that for another reason. I will talk about that later. The present question is, or might be, why do I listen? Well, few years back, there was a person with a strange kind of question. Or questions to be precise. I call that the ‘pebble theory’. During that time, when I was being asked questions and I was answering them, I asked the person why me? Since the person had a plethora of friends, closer than me, why not them? The answer was simple and sufficient, “you listen without asking too many things”. It was sufficed. All I ever did was just listen, and if I thought it was necessary, I presented an answer. I don’t know if it was of any help or not, I never ask that, but it gave me a personal satisfaction. I can’t explain what. Then there was a time when two of my friends had a huge a fight between them. Logical thing to do would’ve been to back off from a couple’s fight, but no! I was a dumbhead then too, to be dragged inside that crap storm. Both of them had something to say, and I was the only mutual factor between the both, so I did what I do. Listen, and if possible, gave them some food for thought. Ironically, that same scenario happened again, between the same bloody people. Eh well, some stuff never change.

But this ability that I speak of does has its own price I assume. There is always a price for everything, and you just have to pay it. In my case, it is the affinity I have with being damagingly blunt. If I listen, I speak in a perspective where things have to put in their original terms. And I really cannot sugarcoat things, making it even worse. Well, if there is a “problem”, there will be an “answer” and it might not sound too good. Applying that theory, I always am able to get an idea of the psyche of the person who’s talking to me, at times I get a character sketch about them and that becomes the price. People don’t like it when you sketch them. There has been countless times when I was accused of being obnoxiously judgmental who knows nothing, rude, a person with half truth and everything else with imaginations and at times inhuman. There are people who don’t want me near them because I do have a penchant for being an utter bastard, or so they say. Can’t blame them. Well, if you had the ability of reflecting the truth, being unable to lie, unable to sugarcoat stuff and being unkindly blunt to people who ask you to solve their “problems’’ or just listen to them, you are bound to get accused like this if you can’t lie. Funny thing is, these accusations hurts for some time, and then you get used to it. That and being hated at times. But I still have that soft corner for them, and I will always listen to them, their soap opera drama, and maybe keeping their secret safe, for it comes with another bonus. Well it ‘came’ with a bonus, for I don’t know if there will be anymore of that. This habit of listening or keeping stuff made me a “living diary”. That was the highest honor I ever got, for I doubt that many people have a living diary.

But there is something I don’t appreciate much. Gratitude towards me. I mean, yes I might have made one feel better, may have given a way out, must have showed some consideration, or as some said once in a blog that I took a person back to the origins of knowledge and belonging, to the diary writing, but all I did was listen to whatever you said. It was you, who took the step necessary. All I did was listening and answering and sometimes reprimand. Thanking me isn’t necessary; I did nothing for that matter.

If I had to make a list, I can’t, but I did have some unique kind of speakers. Drunken speakers, broken ones, confused, lost, the just-want-to-say-that type of speakers, the late talkers, need of counsel, silly advises and others. I can’t remember all, but I remember the conversations between us, me and them.

So, there, I might have only one ability, or skill that I can boast about. I listen. I always listen even if I don’t want to and if it needs to be a secret, I keep it. I listen whenever you (whoever needs to speak that is) want to say something. I am there for you I guess. It doesn’t matter if you are drunk, not drunk, feeling too low or too high; if you just need to talk, talk! Let some steam out. It is far better to talk, rather than just keeping it in, forming a cloud that never rains. I am not saying that you have to do it; all I am saying is that I am here. Yes, I might be rude to one if he/she is being stupid, I can’t shut myself off, but let’s set it aside for the moment. I will be there one need to be listened. Well, I don’t have that luxury, to speak, but then, we can’t have everything. So i will rather do what's best in my ability, listen.

Regards.

P.s - it is not late I guess, so happy Valentine’s Day to all, hope you had a good day. To the couples have a great life ahead, and be with the person always, it is the only thing that will ever matter. To the others, be still my hearts, and keep hoping! Okay I need to go now; cough syrup for a whole day makes you irritating high! Ta!