25th March, 2015.
My hands are shaking incessantly as i write this. I know how I feel and it is not good. NOT GOOD. This is my second blog on a same day and I am typing it fast, missing spellings, error-ed grammar and my heartbeat is racing its way out of my chest. My eyes are seeing blur even though I am wearing my correction glasses and there is an unexplained heavy breathing. Sever case of nervousness and palpitations. I go through a huge amount of such uneasy things and there is hardly any cure. I am editing everything I am writing and my guts are twisted inside with a variety of mixed emotions.
I showed my story, the third blog story to mother, translating things in between. And it is only to my disbelief that she sat motionless for minutes, finally asking, why are you sad?
I am not sad, mother, i wrote poems, and writing a stupid story is nothing hard to me. And to call them 'stories' would be an insult to all the writers who had done great jobs and those who had a formal training or had classes for such. I just type whatever goes inside my head for days long and after i have written it down, i forget what is was all about. To be truthful, mother, i don't even read it back for the second time because it only brings back the unwanted feelings, the heartbeat goes out of control again! you saw what happened to me last time! It is better to write and let it out, then be it love, hatred, anger, sadness, anything or nothing at all. Well, not always i can punch walls or burn my papers!
yes, i burnt a lot of things, some letters, some stories, poems and even a paper lotus origami thing made of white paper that was in my wooden box. There's something missing! One bloody bracelet i had, i guess it is safe and hopefully acts as a reminder.
Yes, i do get nervous and itchy at times, and that is not a good thing. i guess that it will be a problem. But then, has my problems ever made any difference? Mother, i am good! it was just a story. I want to know, why are you sad?
i need to go now, there is a wall waiting for me and my frustration or anger or whatever it is, is on the rise. I need to calm down!
Maa won't read this blog, i will make sure of that! she already suffers eough of me!
ta!
My hands are shaking incessantly as i write this. I know how I feel and it is not good. NOT GOOD. This is my second blog on a same day and I am typing it fast, missing spellings, error-ed grammar and my heartbeat is racing its way out of my chest. My eyes are seeing blur even though I am wearing my correction glasses and there is an unexplained heavy breathing. Sever case of nervousness and palpitations. I go through a huge amount of such uneasy things and there is hardly any cure. I am editing everything I am writing and my guts are twisted inside with a variety of mixed emotions.
I showed my story, the third blog story to mother, translating things in between. And it is only to my disbelief that she sat motionless for minutes, finally asking, why are you sad?
I am not sad, mother, i wrote poems, and writing a stupid story is nothing hard to me. And to call them 'stories' would be an insult to all the writers who had done great jobs and those who had a formal training or had classes for such. I just type whatever goes inside my head for days long and after i have written it down, i forget what is was all about. To be truthful, mother, i don't even read it back for the second time because it only brings back the unwanted feelings, the heartbeat goes out of control again! you saw what happened to me last time! It is better to write and let it out, then be it love, hatred, anger, sadness, anything or nothing at all. Well, not always i can punch walls or burn my papers!
yes, i burnt a lot of things, some letters, some stories, poems and even a paper lotus origami thing made of white paper that was in my wooden box. There's something missing! One bloody bracelet i had, i guess it is safe and hopefully acts as a reminder.
Yes, i do get nervous and itchy at times, and that is not a good thing. i guess that it will be a problem. But then, has my problems ever made any difference? Mother, i am good! it was just a story. I want to know, why are you sad?
i need to go now, there is a wall waiting for me and my frustration or anger or whatever it is, is on the rise. I need to calm down!
Maa won't read this blog, i will make sure of that! she already suffers eough of me!
ta!
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