24th March, 2015.
Intervention.
“Do you really need to do this right now?” asked a voice that made her jump, frightened her more than her own decision to end it all today, of which she held no doubt, not until now.
The Howrah Bridge resembles a huge metallic scar on the face of Kolkata, a city of enigmatic strange beauty, muse of many bygone and yet to be poets, dream of art directors and literati intellectuals. Anyone with a bit of interest in cultural histories and a thirst for instigating poetry can vouch for Kolkata and her impact. Yet, amongst all this, there are events that occur, which, though go unnoticed, leave a question regarding the sanity of one’s own soul and sometimes, they leaves a void, and a few times they leave a mark for another event. In between the enigma, mysterious charm, there is a sense of accumulated stress, unwanted filth, and reek of instigating mental havoc, where such events take place; the Howrah Bridge wasn’t any different. Indeed for many it is a spot for some scenic beauty over the vast stretch of the river Ganga, there will always be some of them for whom the place is the last refuge, the final decision. She was one of them. And this was one of those days.
No one would have even thought that something so drastic a decision was in her mind, and when she left the college earlier than everyone, no one gave much thought to it. And it was quite natural; humans aren’t capable of reading minds. Though almost everyone in her class was aware of the trauma she faced 18 months ago, this wasn’t anticipated. Good for her, she thought.
The bridge, as always, was cloaked with yellow-black taxis, various skin colors of pedestrians and the air hummed and buzzed with a constant monotonous sound of blasting horns and profane abuses. Only if it had been monsoon season, the bridge would have turned into a blocked artery inside an obese person. Thoughts like these and other stuff, faces from the past, songs and dialogues from some TV show ran in her head like a loop, in a speed of light, which now wouldn’t matter. She already had left a letter in her room, and it would be only after a certain time that they would find out what had occurred. ‘Another event in a city of dreams’, she thought.
She decided to commit suicide. Death, though obvious, was in her choice today and she chose it. After 18 months, 1 week, 3 days and some hours later, it was all over for her. Nothing made sense nor did difference and she develop the feeling that it would be better to leave. And to leave, death was an obvious, easy way. And the bridge was perfect. Just jump and let go! Or that’s what she thought.
It is said, when people choose suicide, they tend to overlook obvious things, things that are right in front of them as they are in a trance like state. Whether it’s true or not is a different question, but she was also overlooking things, otherwise she should have noticed him, leaning gaily over the railing.
She was prepared, her eyes fixed into oblivion in front of her as her lips trembled for the last time. Her grip strengthened on the railing as she made the attempt to flung herself in the roaring river down below, when a deep voice remarked, “Do you really need to do this now?”
A guy, maybe months older than him, looked at her with acute annoyance and slight disgust maybe. Lacking any kind of seraphic features, he would’ve been easily mistaken for an anti social drug guy from park street area. A scar on left eyebrow, stubble beard, tattoos on nape and forearm, he wasn’t a pleasant looking guy. He asked again, “do you need to jump right now? Or can it wait?”
“Sorry, what?” she asked, now aware of his presence and totally annoyed by the interruption. She had made all the plans and now it was on the verge of collapsing just because some Good Samaritan was doing her a ‘favor’ by saving her life!
“Do. You. Need. To. Jump. Now?’’ he asked, mocking a slow manner as if she wasn’t getting him. He was clearly irritated by her it seemed to her. She was going to jump and it was final, stern decision. “Yes” she replied, “and are you going to stop me? What are you? A good citizen?”
“Stop you? No, I have no interest in stopping and saving you, it is your life, your choice and you can trade it with the devil for shit! I don’t know you, you’re not my friend, not my lover and neither my relative. I don’t care what you do, but can you not do it now?”
“I… I don’t follow! What do you want?” she said, confused by such an unexpected answer. Anyone would. Normally, people would start giving lecture about why one shouldn’t kill themselves and what is the sanctity of life in whole, but he wasn’t doing that. He was, if anything, not even trying.
“Well, according to the meteorological department, the sun would set right at 6.55 pm today.” He said, motioning towards the setting orange sun, the sky was in a contrast with the river down below. “And it has been my routine for the last five years to come here and see the sun set, and I certainly cannot afford to miss it just because someone was extremely bored with her life. So, if you indeed are going to die, I won’t stop you, but please do it after 20 minutes from now. I’ll be gone by then.” He said. That was the strangest request she had ever heard, yet there was something that made her stall the plan for the moment and know this guy, who kept looking at the horizon. ‘Interesting fellow’ she wondered.
She was still considering the request when he spoke again, her train of thoughts broken into fragments. “Why are you committing suicide?” He asked, in a rumbling serious baritone, but not rude.
“Why do you care?”
“I do not! I don’t care about your life and trauma and your previous attempt of suicide is as irrelevant as anything to me. Your death won’t affect me by any means, but since you did consider my request, you still have a good 20 minutes, so might as well use it since it’s your last. And plus, I’ve never met a person with suicidal tendency…”
“Wait! How do you know about my previous…?”
“The scars on your left wrist. If you think the bangles are covering them, you’re wrong! You tried to kill yourself previously. Wasn’t a difficult leap.” The reply was curt and dismissing. “So, why?”
After a few moments of dilemma and consideration, amazed by her flicker of mind she decided to answer. Normally she would’ve walked away, or he might have notified the police, but neither of it happened. “My boyfriend Joel, we met 4 years ago in a college fest…” she tried to answer when he interrupted her in the midway.
“Yes yes, the two of you found a love no one can explain, it was more than love, and it was something soulful. No one will understand it and blah blah blah… I don’t care about it. Just give me the reason why are you going to kill yourself.” He remarked with visible coldness as he lit a cigarette. A sense of desperate want to slap his face ran through her veins. “he died two years ago today. Tomorrow would have been his birthday. Two years ago, this day, he OD-ied on narcotics.”
“Oh…and you are committing suicide why exactly again?” a tone of mixed sarcasm and surprise was impeccably heard.
“because… I loved him and he left me! alone! And I don’t know what to do! two years and I am still not over him. His letters are still in my drawers and photographs I haven’t burnt. I …” exasperated she replied. Anyone could’ve seen the damage done; yet there wasn’t a single piece of sympathy in his face as she looked for it, searching for any notion of empathy which was still lacking on his face. Instead, to her great dismay, a sniggering laughter jerked his whole physique. The snigger changed into laughter, like he was mocking her whole existence. Before she could have possibly reacted, his snigger went silent with a great difficult effort.
“I see I’ve offended you. Forgive me. But it reminded me of something my grandfather said once. He said that the world is full of people, running away from life. But if running had solved problems, then there wouldn’t have been any problem. I see he was right! And you proved it, along with something more important” he reported.
“and what is that?”
“You never loved Joel!” he said like it was an irrefutable fact of science.
“that? How dare you! How bloody dare you! you don’t even know me and you’re already judging me? you have no idea what pain it is and you have no right to judge me!” she replied furiously. And it was quite normal, anyone will retort like, especially when a complete stranger remarks on someone’s life and emotions, crossing the line of decency.
“Well, firstly, I am judging you because I can! You see, I am a complete stranger to you. as I said, your life and your problems don’t interest me in the least. and I am judging you not because of anything else but your decision. It is the action which you’re going to take will judge you. and since you’re contemplating suicide that reveals too many things about you. but first, tell me, you’ve parents, right? Do they know about your lover? And I guess they gave you too much of freedom? Do they love you? ”
“they know, and yes they can be called liberal, and of course they do love me! what sort of stupid question is that?”
“well I needed to ask!” he replied lighting another cigarette, the first one slipped out of his fingers into the river as he laughed. Puffing some drags, he continued, like a professor giving lectures; “you see, you chose a very wrong way to die! Look around you; it is a river, with coast guards patrolling everywhere! They will pull you out of the water in 10 minutes. If you are going to die deliberately, choose atleast something easier, like pills or something. but that’s your choice.
Now, I said you never loved Joel because you never did! if you did, you wouldn’t have chosen this, the easy way out. You are just a coward who doesn’t even know the basic thing about love and stuff. Actually, you don’t have any self respect, or any respect for anybody. You lack empathy”
“How dare…”
“Now now, don’t interrupt me again, you are going to die anyway, so atleast die with the truth instead of a lie you’ve been living with! You just have 10 more minutes! And after that, nothing will make any difference. And the truth is nobody cares. You think you’ll be missed after you’ve gone? That the city will delve into an enormous grief? Even the closest friends you have, for whom you have no care for would continue to live. Sure, your parents would die, but they too will teach themselves of the fact that you took a coward’s choice and killed yourself. And you are blackmailing them emotionally because they always live in a constant fear that your clinical depression would be fatal one day and that’s exactly why they gave you complete freedom. You think they are way too much liberal? They are just keeping you happy so that you don’t get sad, depressed and do something drastic. You are still living in an illusion where you make yourself believe that you are normal and things are fine, and you see life with an easy way out from everything you face! And now you are here, on this bridge, scared of everything, ending everything because you’re done. And I would like to burst a few more bubbles for you. you don’t respect anyone because your empathy, compassion or emotions died way back and you don’t even want to revive it! You are stuck in that date and I think you have medicines for such trauma, medicines for depression which aren’t helping you. You lack the respect for even Joel, who might have loved you and died with a truth that you loved him too, but since you think suicide will help everything, I’d say, Joel wasn’t your love and he died with a lie. If you loved him, you would have faced this one truth with your head held high and making peace with it, keeping his memories in your heart and return the love to people who deserve it, who might have gone to lengths to keep you happy and bearing your tantrums. What you are doing is just blatant insult to everything and you, woman are just a pathetic existence. Your friends, your family, relatives, anyone who cares about you needs to know that their beloved one is a coward and held no emotion. You have that rose tinted glasses on your eyes that shows your world to be a bed of roses and green pastures of some poetry, there, another bubble burst, life is just unfair to everyone in a fair manner. You want to jump? Jump! But atleast know the truth that you won’t be meeting Joel in afterlife, nobody will notice your absence after a few months and the world will go on in the same obnoxious manner. The only good thing that will happen will be the fact that the world would be free of another incessant person, living in dreams and a coward in nature, without any passion for life and memories. There would be no song for you, no discussions; you’ll be a fading memory after exactly 9 months from now, just one small news clipping in the morning newspaper tomorrow. Well, you were dead from inside already, so yeah, an easy way out for you is a better solution indeed!” he stopped, his cigarette gone cold long ago, gazing into the darkening sky and the lights in the houses afar. The bridge was illuminated by an orange hue, the honking horns sounded louder as everyone was rushing home, the momentary peace after the long, long day.
A muffled sobbing could have been heard if one cared to notice, but then, after a day of herculean labors, people can hardly notice the monotony going on around. She, having kept it all inside, never had thought that some random stranger would have told her the truth. Having so many questions now in her head, and doubts that pondered over her, she looked at him, with a great distress and longing for help. There was a question in her eyes and he saw it too. but the answer wasn’t what she expected. Glancing at his watch, he remarked, “well, my 20 minutes are up! And now I need to leave. It was nice meeting you, and um… good luck with solving your issues by this.” Throwing the cigarette in the ocean he left, without any other word or for her reply! After all, he told her that he didn’t cared!
Another story on the face of such an enigmatic city with strange characters came to an abrupt halt, like everything does.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx End xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
epilogue…
“you’re still here!” she said.
“and so are you as it seems” he replied, without looking at her, his eyes fixed on a small ship in the river. He still didn’t care.
5 months later, the air of Kolkata was thick with a funk monsoon rain. The bridge witnessed another event, another story.
note : the longest one... if read, thank you!
Intervention.
“Do you really need to do this right now?” asked a voice that made her jump, frightened her more than her own decision to end it all today, of which she held no doubt, not until now.
The Howrah Bridge resembles a huge metallic scar on the face of Kolkata, a city of enigmatic strange beauty, muse of many bygone and yet to be poets, dream of art directors and literati intellectuals. Anyone with a bit of interest in cultural histories and a thirst for instigating poetry can vouch for Kolkata and her impact. Yet, amongst all this, there are events that occur, which, though go unnoticed, leave a question regarding the sanity of one’s own soul and sometimes, they leaves a void, and a few times they leave a mark for another event. In between the enigma, mysterious charm, there is a sense of accumulated stress, unwanted filth, and reek of instigating mental havoc, where such events take place; the Howrah Bridge wasn’t any different. Indeed for many it is a spot for some scenic beauty over the vast stretch of the river Ganga, there will always be some of them for whom the place is the last refuge, the final decision. She was one of them. And this was one of those days.
No one would have even thought that something so drastic a decision was in her mind, and when she left the college earlier than everyone, no one gave much thought to it. And it was quite natural; humans aren’t capable of reading minds. Though almost everyone in her class was aware of the trauma she faced 18 months ago, this wasn’t anticipated. Good for her, she thought.
The bridge, as always, was cloaked with yellow-black taxis, various skin colors of pedestrians and the air hummed and buzzed with a constant monotonous sound of blasting horns and profane abuses. Only if it had been monsoon season, the bridge would have turned into a blocked artery inside an obese person. Thoughts like these and other stuff, faces from the past, songs and dialogues from some TV show ran in her head like a loop, in a speed of light, which now wouldn’t matter. She already had left a letter in her room, and it would be only after a certain time that they would find out what had occurred. ‘Another event in a city of dreams’, she thought.
She decided to commit suicide. Death, though obvious, was in her choice today and she chose it. After 18 months, 1 week, 3 days and some hours later, it was all over for her. Nothing made sense nor did difference and she develop the feeling that it would be better to leave. And to leave, death was an obvious, easy way. And the bridge was perfect. Just jump and let go! Or that’s what she thought.
It is said, when people choose suicide, they tend to overlook obvious things, things that are right in front of them as they are in a trance like state. Whether it’s true or not is a different question, but she was also overlooking things, otherwise she should have noticed him, leaning gaily over the railing.
She was prepared, her eyes fixed into oblivion in front of her as her lips trembled for the last time. Her grip strengthened on the railing as she made the attempt to flung herself in the roaring river down below, when a deep voice remarked, “Do you really need to do this now?”
A guy, maybe months older than him, looked at her with acute annoyance and slight disgust maybe. Lacking any kind of seraphic features, he would’ve been easily mistaken for an anti social drug guy from park street area. A scar on left eyebrow, stubble beard, tattoos on nape and forearm, he wasn’t a pleasant looking guy. He asked again, “do you need to jump right now? Or can it wait?”
“Sorry, what?” she asked, now aware of his presence and totally annoyed by the interruption. She had made all the plans and now it was on the verge of collapsing just because some Good Samaritan was doing her a ‘favor’ by saving her life!
“Do. You. Need. To. Jump. Now?’’ he asked, mocking a slow manner as if she wasn’t getting him. He was clearly irritated by her it seemed to her. She was going to jump and it was final, stern decision. “Yes” she replied, “and are you going to stop me? What are you? A good citizen?”
“Stop you? No, I have no interest in stopping and saving you, it is your life, your choice and you can trade it with the devil for shit! I don’t know you, you’re not my friend, not my lover and neither my relative. I don’t care what you do, but can you not do it now?”
“I… I don’t follow! What do you want?” she said, confused by such an unexpected answer. Anyone would. Normally, people would start giving lecture about why one shouldn’t kill themselves and what is the sanctity of life in whole, but he wasn’t doing that. He was, if anything, not even trying.
“Well, according to the meteorological department, the sun would set right at 6.55 pm today.” He said, motioning towards the setting orange sun, the sky was in a contrast with the river down below. “And it has been my routine for the last five years to come here and see the sun set, and I certainly cannot afford to miss it just because someone was extremely bored with her life. So, if you indeed are going to die, I won’t stop you, but please do it after 20 minutes from now. I’ll be gone by then.” He said. That was the strangest request she had ever heard, yet there was something that made her stall the plan for the moment and know this guy, who kept looking at the horizon. ‘Interesting fellow’ she wondered.
She was still considering the request when he spoke again, her train of thoughts broken into fragments. “Why are you committing suicide?” He asked, in a rumbling serious baritone, but not rude.
“Why do you care?”
“I do not! I don’t care about your life and trauma and your previous attempt of suicide is as irrelevant as anything to me. Your death won’t affect me by any means, but since you did consider my request, you still have a good 20 minutes, so might as well use it since it’s your last. And plus, I’ve never met a person with suicidal tendency…”
“Wait! How do you know about my previous…?”
“The scars on your left wrist. If you think the bangles are covering them, you’re wrong! You tried to kill yourself previously. Wasn’t a difficult leap.” The reply was curt and dismissing. “So, why?”
After a few moments of dilemma and consideration, amazed by her flicker of mind she decided to answer. Normally she would’ve walked away, or he might have notified the police, but neither of it happened. “My boyfriend Joel, we met 4 years ago in a college fest…” she tried to answer when he interrupted her in the midway.
“Yes yes, the two of you found a love no one can explain, it was more than love, and it was something soulful. No one will understand it and blah blah blah… I don’t care about it. Just give me the reason why are you going to kill yourself.” He remarked with visible coldness as he lit a cigarette. A sense of desperate want to slap his face ran through her veins. “he died two years ago today. Tomorrow would have been his birthday. Two years ago, this day, he OD-ied on narcotics.”
“Oh…and you are committing suicide why exactly again?” a tone of mixed sarcasm and surprise was impeccably heard.
“because… I loved him and he left me! alone! And I don’t know what to do! two years and I am still not over him. His letters are still in my drawers and photographs I haven’t burnt. I …” exasperated she replied. Anyone could’ve seen the damage done; yet there wasn’t a single piece of sympathy in his face as she looked for it, searching for any notion of empathy which was still lacking on his face. Instead, to her great dismay, a sniggering laughter jerked his whole physique. The snigger changed into laughter, like he was mocking her whole existence. Before she could have possibly reacted, his snigger went silent with a great difficult effort.
“I see I’ve offended you. Forgive me. But it reminded me of something my grandfather said once. He said that the world is full of people, running away from life. But if running had solved problems, then there wouldn’t have been any problem. I see he was right! And you proved it, along with something more important” he reported.
“and what is that?”
“You never loved Joel!” he said like it was an irrefutable fact of science.
“that? How dare you! How bloody dare you! you don’t even know me and you’re already judging me? you have no idea what pain it is and you have no right to judge me!” she replied furiously. And it was quite normal, anyone will retort like, especially when a complete stranger remarks on someone’s life and emotions, crossing the line of decency.
“Well, firstly, I am judging you because I can! You see, I am a complete stranger to you. as I said, your life and your problems don’t interest me in the least. and I am judging you not because of anything else but your decision. It is the action which you’re going to take will judge you. and since you’re contemplating suicide that reveals too many things about you. but first, tell me, you’ve parents, right? Do they know about your lover? And I guess they gave you too much of freedom? Do they love you? ”
“they know, and yes they can be called liberal, and of course they do love me! what sort of stupid question is that?”
“well I needed to ask!” he replied lighting another cigarette, the first one slipped out of his fingers into the river as he laughed. Puffing some drags, he continued, like a professor giving lectures; “you see, you chose a very wrong way to die! Look around you; it is a river, with coast guards patrolling everywhere! They will pull you out of the water in 10 minutes. If you are going to die deliberately, choose atleast something easier, like pills or something. but that’s your choice.
Now, I said you never loved Joel because you never did! if you did, you wouldn’t have chosen this, the easy way out. You are just a coward who doesn’t even know the basic thing about love and stuff. Actually, you don’t have any self respect, or any respect for anybody. You lack empathy”
“How dare…”
“Now now, don’t interrupt me again, you are going to die anyway, so atleast die with the truth instead of a lie you’ve been living with! You just have 10 more minutes! And after that, nothing will make any difference. And the truth is nobody cares. You think you’ll be missed after you’ve gone? That the city will delve into an enormous grief? Even the closest friends you have, for whom you have no care for would continue to live. Sure, your parents would die, but they too will teach themselves of the fact that you took a coward’s choice and killed yourself. And you are blackmailing them emotionally because they always live in a constant fear that your clinical depression would be fatal one day and that’s exactly why they gave you complete freedom. You think they are way too much liberal? They are just keeping you happy so that you don’t get sad, depressed and do something drastic. You are still living in an illusion where you make yourself believe that you are normal and things are fine, and you see life with an easy way out from everything you face! And now you are here, on this bridge, scared of everything, ending everything because you’re done. And I would like to burst a few more bubbles for you. you don’t respect anyone because your empathy, compassion or emotions died way back and you don’t even want to revive it! You are stuck in that date and I think you have medicines for such trauma, medicines for depression which aren’t helping you. You lack the respect for even Joel, who might have loved you and died with a truth that you loved him too, but since you think suicide will help everything, I’d say, Joel wasn’t your love and he died with a lie. If you loved him, you would have faced this one truth with your head held high and making peace with it, keeping his memories in your heart and return the love to people who deserve it, who might have gone to lengths to keep you happy and bearing your tantrums. What you are doing is just blatant insult to everything and you, woman are just a pathetic existence. Your friends, your family, relatives, anyone who cares about you needs to know that their beloved one is a coward and held no emotion. You have that rose tinted glasses on your eyes that shows your world to be a bed of roses and green pastures of some poetry, there, another bubble burst, life is just unfair to everyone in a fair manner. You want to jump? Jump! But atleast know the truth that you won’t be meeting Joel in afterlife, nobody will notice your absence after a few months and the world will go on in the same obnoxious manner. The only good thing that will happen will be the fact that the world would be free of another incessant person, living in dreams and a coward in nature, without any passion for life and memories. There would be no song for you, no discussions; you’ll be a fading memory after exactly 9 months from now, just one small news clipping in the morning newspaper tomorrow. Well, you were dead from inside already, so yeah, an easy way out for you is a better solution indeed!” he stopped, his cigarette gone cold long ago, gazing into the darkening sky and the lights in the houses afar. The bridge was illuminated by an orange hue, the honking horns sounded louder as everyone was rushing home, the momentary peace after the long, long day.
A muffled sobbing could have been heard if one cared to notice, but then, after a day of herculean labors, people can hardly notice the monotony going on around. She, having kept it all inside, never had thought that some random stranger would have told her the truth. Having so many questions now in her head, and doubts that pondered over her, she looked at him, with a great distress and longing for help. There was a question in her eyes and he saw it too. but the answer wasn’t what she expected. Glancing at his watch, he remarked, “well, my 20 minutes are up! And now I need to leave. It was nice meeting you, and um… good luck with solving your issues by this.” Throwing the cigarette in the ocean he left, without any other word or for her reply! After all, he told her that he didn’t cared!
Another story on the face of such an enigmatic city with strange characters came to an abrupt halt, like everything does.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx End xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
epilogue…
“you’re still here!” she said.
“and so are you as it seems” he replied, without looking at her, his eyes fixed on a small ship in the river. He still didn’t care.
5 months later, the air of Kolkata was thick with a funk monsoon rain. The bridge witnessed another event, another story.
note : the longest one... if read, thank you!
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