07th December, 2014.
December, by all means, started with two things. A sincere but broken heart and a raging mind. Oh by the way, I see I have a new follower, and I must say that I am surprised! And I can’t take all the credit. I know that my rants aren’t that good to attract readers, so I shall thank the guy (person and friend, who himself owns a rugged blog!) who mentioned me in one of his blog. And you, my dear new reader, who goes by the name Ipsita (I was going to use terms like nom de plume or nom de gurre, but it’s stupid at times), I welcome you here, in the world of pure blabber, spontaneous outbursts and occasional emotional cries and whines (though I prefer to refrain from doing the last one, but since I am no less superior human being…). Please be comfortable, and feel free to opine, criticize, read, laugh, smirk and whatever a good reader does.
Let’s just get over with the rants, shall we?
As I was speaking, December started where November ended, in a state of stagnation and loneliness. The person has ended all the contacts with me whatsoever, and I am just left to my own devices, and I do not have many devices to go on with. I don’t have a huge number of friends, I can actually count them off on my fingers, and as far as indulging in the habits of substance abuse is concerned, one goldflake large size doesn’t helps. I tried to reason with the person. I know it is stupid and vain, for we possibly cannot reason with feelings, but if one is adamant to deny every iota of feelings, and doubt the self, I guess, it becomes our responsibility, not just as the “lover” but as a friend too, to hold them and assure them that everything is okay! I tried too, I promised her that I would put her together if she falls; yet, I am here, falling into an abyss, with practically no one to save me. I know I am a damaged good and that’s about it. I don’t say that I am betrayed, but I just am going down. Slowly and in a manner most lethal. Broken and damaged. I know she had those feelings for me. Everybody lies, but they cannot lie this much.
If one looks out of my balcony, across the roofs on the other side, one will see a waving flag. A yellow flag, with an insignia of OM and lord Shiva on it. I don’t know how it is relevant, but it reminds me of her. The waving flag in a winter afternoon and an empty chair that was to be occupied by her presence. So easy it is for some people to break certain promises they made, along with the hearts who held them above all. But I guess, I don’t matter anymore! Or even if I do, she is not going to admit it.
Raging mind I said! I am trying to keep myself busy in the pages of Agatha Christie, Conan Doyle, and Nick Meyers. Even Engels and Marx, and I am quite successful through the day. But the moment I close my eyes, everything from sandcastle comes back flooding. One bloody year! And people want me to move on! Why? No reason whatsoever has been provided to me. And I know the person is not even concerned. I don’t know. I know if I give my reasons and plea, almost everyone will admit in agreement, but not her. Well, what can I say? I can’t just forget! I am too cursed for that. I don’t forget. I am trying to build this wall, but I can’t save myself from this haunting.
Well, I just hope that she realizes what she meant to me. And for once and all, just come back! You’ve done enough damage already and you only you can make it better. Go through your journals and everything, you’ll know you're in love with me too. Stop denying yourself. Comeback!
That’s all I have to say, dear bohemian! C’est fini!
Regards.
p.s- to my new reader, if you're reading this, i read your blogs too.you write good! keep it up! and thanks! cheers!
December, by all means, started with two things. A sincere but broken heart and a raging mind. Oh by the way, I see I have a new follower, and I must say that I am surprised! And I can’t take all the credit. I know that my rants aren’t that good to attract readers, so I shall thank the guy (person and friend, who himself owns a rugged blog!) who mentioned me in one of his blog. And you, my dear new reader, who goes by the name Ipsita (I was going to use terms like nom de plume or nom de gurre, but it’s stupid at times), I welcome you here, in the world of pure blabber, spontaneous outbursts and occasional emotional cries and whines (though I prefer to refrain from doing the last one, but since I am no less superior human being…). Please be comfortable, and feel free to opine, criticize, read, laugh, smirk and whatever a good reader does.
Let’s just get over with the rants, shall we?
As I was speaking, December started where November ended, in a state of stagnation and loneliness. The person has ended all the contacts with me whatsoever, and I am just left to my own devices, and I do not have many devices to go on with. I don’t have a huge number of friends, I can actually count them off on my fingers, and as far as indulging in the habits of substance abuse is concerned, one goldflake large size doesn’t helps. I tried to reason with the person. I know it is stupid and vain, for we possibly cannot reason with feelings, but if one is adamant to deny every iota of feelings, and doubt the self, I guess, it becomes our responsibility, not just as the “lover” but as a friend too, to hold them and assure them that everything is okay! I tried too, I promised her that I would put her together if she falls; yet, I am here, falling into an abyss, with practically no one to save me. I know I am a damaged good and that’s about it. I don’t say that I am betrayed, but I just am going down. Slowly and in a manner most lethal. Broken and damaged. I know she had those feelings for me. Everybody lies, but they cannot lie this much.
If one looks out of my balcony, across the roofs on the other side, one will see a waving flag. A yellow flag, with an insignia of OM and lord Shiva on it. I don’t know how it is relevant, but it reminds me of her. The waving flag in a winter afternoon and an empty chair that was to be occupied by her presence. So easy it is for some people to break certain promises they made, along with the hearts who held them above all. But I guess, I don’t matter anymore! Or even if I do, she is not going to admit it.
Raging mind I said! I am trying to keep myself busy in the pages of Agatha Christie, Conan Doyle, and Nick Meyers. Even Engels and Marx, and I am quite successful through the day. But the moment I close my eyes, everything from sandcastle comes back flooding. One bloody year! And people want me to move on! Why? No reason whatsoever has been provided to me. And I know the person is not even concerned. I don’t know. I know if I give my reasons and plea, almost everyone will admit in agreement, but not her. Well, what can I say? I can’t just forget! I am too cursed for that. I don’t forget. I am trying to build this wall, but I can’t save myself from this haunting.
Well, I just hope that she realizes what she meant to me. And for once and all, just come back! You’ve done enough damage already and you only you can make it better. Go through your journals and everything, you’ll know you're in love with me too. Stop denying yourself. Comeback!
That’s all I have to say, dear bohemian! C’est fini!
Regards.
p.s- to my new reader, if you're reading this, i read your blogs too.you write good! keep it up! and thanks! cheers!
Nice touch brother! Rugged Blog, seriously? :P
ReplyDeleteyeah why not?
ReplyDelete