11th May, 2015.
Letter 3
“31st October, 2014.
Dear_________
I love you. It is 2.30 in night, and I am sick. Very sick.
Actually, against your repeated warnings and pleas, I did another experiment
with myself, had a bath with cold water and it just hit me bad. Doctor’s
orders, to sleep and have rest. You can see my handwriting going too awry, as
it is proven in science of graphology that our handwriting is affected by our
mental and physical health. I am sorry, no more experiments.
Anyways, everybody else is asleep, I am in my room, and the
table lamp is glowing bright. I am
really not feeling very well, I want to sleep, but something reminded me of you
and I realized, I never had been so much in love with you as of right now. And
it is not just love you see. Even though we talked a bit today (seriously, are
you going to Sabbath or not?), I feel like talking to you for an eternity and
it will never be enough for me. Yes I know, I always say I love you, as you say
you do too, but tonight, as it seems my brain is turning into a mush, I feel
your presence more strongly around me. You asked me, why I love you so much,
even after your complete stupidity at times. I don’t know. I never started off
with loving you. The first time I met you on facebook, it was just as an old
friend, sort of face from past. But tonight, after 4 years of our beautiful
friendship, I feel the happiest person on earth, to have my bo_____n as not
only my friend, but as my love, and in turn being loved by you. And I am
honored. Because frankly, I never thought that I would love anyone. I was so
cold and placid for everything. No, I am not drunk or anything. I am writing
this with my otherwise dull but still functioning faculty. You see, when I say
that I feel your presence, when I say that I feel your kisses, I really do. That
time, I feel a lump in my throat, overwhelmed by the sheer fact that there is a
woman, who could have anyone, she chose me. And I still don’t know why. You
said that I was able to woo you, with my words and the calm secrecy that I
hold. You say that after your dadabhai, ms kushwah, I am the person you saw who
is strong enough and that is what made you love me. That and my withholding
power on my anger. Although, I don’t really hold it, I just let it out on the
other way, so that I won’t hurt you. I had hurt you before and they were a blow
to my own heart. I will not hurt you again. If I had my way with the world, I
would have done everything to take you out of your trauma, but since I cannot
do that, I am doing what I should do. To love you. If there is a choice for me
to choose between you and a hundred riches or the world at my feet, I will
always choose to be with you. With my bo____n. Why? Simple enough, you are a
poison to my heart, the complete bedlam to my head and yet, without you, my
life seems bland, tasteless. You’re like that first drop of rain that I taste.
Whenever I am with you, I feel, that all my problems, heartaches, everything is
worth if the end result is you. You, my love are that one book I never want to
finish, I want to keep reading you and be surprised by each new page of you.
Yes, I might act rude around you, but believe me, it is just because I don’t
know how to act around you and keep myself in check all at a same time. The
night when you said yes, after my long and arduous tries, I was just silent. I not
sleep the whole night, because I did not knew what sleep was. Well, you know
that, I told you the next day. I love you because I don’t know you. I don’t
know what enigma you hold inside you or how much damaging your love for me will
be, I might die from it. If it means to be so, I will die for you then, so be
it! I want to know you, your puzzled heart. I love you because you’re a walking
ball of that certified energy that if handled carelessly, will be too
destructive. Loving you is a risk, and I am ready for it. There is no other way
I would like you. Not a calm serene fair maiden, but that raging nymph who
messed up my heart with just a touch. You are pure love my bo____n. I know that I am your living diary; I hold a
major part of your emotions within me, in a vow of secret to not let them out,
and knowing that, I am even more overwhelmed to know that your love for me is,
unending, when you said “you can leave if you want, if you ever feel
suffocated, I will understand. I will know that you left, but remember that
S______ loved you more than ever. Know that I love you with all my heart and
will never leave you, my stupid Mr. Holmes…” I don’t know whether you were
drunk or not, I don’t care if you were, because at the end, you love me, more
than I love myself, even if I lose my way, you will be here to bring me back. I
don’t even know how I achieved this, how did I got the most beautiful person in
love with me, how did I get her smile and mood swings for me or how did I
managed to get into her heart, but I know this, that I won’t stop now. I am
even forgetting the 30 feet rule, forget it, I am meeting you next time and I
will hold you closer to me, you, the one with fat in her skull…(your blog).
Damn…I love you…I just do and I will, regardless of whatever happens, I will
never let my love for you falter.
Oh look, it is 3.20 already, I need to sleep now. I hope
when you hold this paper in your hand, we will read it together. I want to see
your face lighting up. And maybe, I will kiss you.
Until then, goodnight.
I love you.
R.B (signature)…”
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