Surrender

Loud and loud, the music is now noise,
I taste bitter, 5 pegs down and on my 9th cigarette, I cannot tell you the difference.
I cannot tell you what song is playing, it's shit, it can be a good song either,
I just need the noise.

Time is nothing but a roundabout moment,
I am stuck on the junction between
going haywire and lie completely still, like a painting. I am confused, disprized towards
the gold.

All this, and for what? A pathetic adoration?
Admiration? Love?

Done with my ungodly devotion to self-destruction, I call it a night, promising,
not tomorrow, not again.

I surrender, under the pretence of change.
I surrender to lying.