30th September, 2017.
So I'm at the finality of this insipid, dull and somewhat rancid series of small sized rants. I don't know what promoted me to write this, I do not remember the exact reason behind this, which is a bit of an anomaly for me. Regardless of the claims that I make about my randomness about things, I know that my blogs are always fueled by one reason or the other, most of them are my frustration against the dull world of mundane trivialities and the vicissitudes that I ineptly try to tackle and lose without a cause.
So what did all these led to? All these ungodly, unholy and borderlining complaints that I might have made here over the last one month might have consisted some insight or atleast a better result.. the answer still eludes me, I see no point of any of this as of yet, maybe one day I will.
The same cannot be said about the existing month though, which still has 2 solid hours to expire and move towards October. As of right now, at this moment, when I look at the last 30 days, I see a wave of unnatural developments, around me and within me. If observed carefully, one can actually see the changes one must have in order to move, and as an introspection I see that this month has been undoing me and redefining me to myself, though I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed the same. I grew weary of people and as surprising as it gets, I am falling apart from the notions of words like relationship, promises, expectations etc. I wasn't even hoping for anything, but the responses aren't really disappointing.
Now I wouldn't claim that I have lost or am not expecting anything from anyone, I myself have mentioned elsewhere that it is one of the most blatant lie there is, however, I have stopped it to an extent or rather, I have changed the parameters of the same. Maybe successfully, I have learnt to negate a very certain sort of pent up dreams and 'what if'. Yet again, as a person who has been advocating hope and never giving up, I am clueless of my own inhibitions and the consequences, which are far away yet, haunt me.
The banality of everything that comes as a bonus to me with the absolute yellowness instills a certain fear that I might will loose my touch. But then again, I think writings like these are the only point where it keeps me balanced on the tight rope. That and tea.
Well that's that then. The Sticky Note series must be stopped now. I cannot promise that I will resume another such meaningless tirade of unhinged thinking again, it's all in the dark.
Till then, shab-bakhair.
R.
