The Asylum...

                                                                      ''Asylum'' - rishiraj
And when,
this fluttering heart
can’t bear the ataxia,
the sheer bedlam of moments and chaos,
that breaks the pattern,
I,
am pulled into a vortex, voluntarily I let
it be.
A slip and fall into oblivion,
my own pages of history that I
wrote. Time here ceases to flow.
The grey area between light and dark, this,
is where everything is still. Unstirred by the action
I’m yet to take.
Here,
everything turns into placid,
deathly still.
Color drowns into
black and white
from all the blossoms. Trees are not green,
neither the lake is blue, just dark blackened waves now
stale by this stagnant whist.
Here the blood flows cold, just neutral vibes in
the air.
It’s like walking through a
mist, a dense fog,
yet I can’t feel it, I don’t want to.
The people here,
are shadows in the mist,
undecipherable mumbles replaces the voices.
Here,
nothing is made, nothing done. So still, calm, tranquil.
here, nothing is too
late to mend.
My heaven here has not been
built yet, to be
corrupted by myself later.
Here,
nothing is made,
like a clock
but with no craftsman.
Everything is so still.
I prefer this.
Prefer the stillness here,
here, my solace, from all the
madness, all this discord of world
and the people's pandemonium.
Here,
The asylum....
--------------------Rishiraj--------------------------

one of my poetic ventures...

farewell sir...

17^th January, 2014.

Dark clouds all over Delhi this morning. Though there was hardly any chance of rain, yet, I could taste the wetness in the air. But every atmospheric beauty seemed irrelevant today, if not unnecessary.

There was a farewell meeting to be held in the history committee room, as our beloved professor, personally, my favorite, Dr. P.K Chaudhary of ancient Indian history was taking his voluntary retirement. Such matter hardly seems important or relevant to me, but this was about Prof. Chaudhary we were talking about. Hard, strict, unforgiving at times, never laughed during the classes and a person you would never mess with. But even so, he became our favorite teacher for a reason. His ideas; he always advocates abstract thinking. Do not think big, think enormous, which is what human mind is for, to think and dream more than normal, he says. And not only has he advocated that, he follows that line to the meaning of literal and taught us to do the same. Now there are teachers who just come and babbles thing, half of which goes over the head, and the other half never reached us. He, unlike all, almost effortlessly made his way to our minds, filling it with ideas. History is not a subject for that, but then, a teacher is not known by the subject he teaches, but by the ideas he provides otherwise.

Now I can go on and on with the appraisal, but I choose not to. When asked why he was leaving (it was naturally an element of surprise for us) he said, and I quote - “I have been teaching in this college for almost 25 years, but I guess now it was the time to live my part of dreams. To quote Gorky, a man spends his entire life just in the preparation to live. I’d rather choose to live now, than just preparing for it until I die. I have plans, dreams, regarding so much and so little time. Furthermore, I am bored with the lethal routine for the last 25 years, nothing productive there. My plan now changes its course. I have some projects in my mind, and I need a complete focus on them.”

The rest is unimportant in contrast of relevance I suppose. The usual speeches by students, their emotions. I refrain such trivialities, so I maintained my silence. Before bidding his goodbye he just said one thing. As he regrets the fact that this generation is losing its ability to think logically or illogically, he hopes that we, his students won’t stop dreaming or thinking in abstract form… “Amurta chintan” as he’d put it. Think, read, dream, and do it in an abnormal way.

We, or at least I, would try not failing him on this one.

Thank you professor, for expanding my ideas and faculty for at least in a miniscule level.

Farewell.

                                                                    the man himself

Regards.

Last Vow

13^th January, 2013.

Today at college-

Me- *giving a stuff to my friend* here you go bro, I promised you I’ll get this for you.

Him- you… you really take your promises really very seriously, don’t you?

Me- yep!!!

This has been my problem for like a decade now. Promises, vows, words… I take them as seriously as life itself. There has to be a possible explanation, totally logical one, but the only answer I know is the one that I created for my own satisfaction. I am afraid, I have promised a many great things to the people I know, or care. And one of my few endeavors has been to keep the promises intact and unbreakable. As a child, I was taught that keeping a promise makes us a better person than the rest of the others. Am I trying to be a better person? A great one? I don’t know, I never was a better person, kind of a guy whom one does not possibly want to engage, or even if one does, I am, was, and will be the last pick, which is practically fine by me. But even then, I try and keep the vows intact until either it is completed or I am freed. Yes, I know, it looks I am like dr. exaggerator, babbling my greatness and shit, but that is what I am. A show off.

On the other hand, I am totally unable to keep the promises I did to myself, which by far, has not really been a bad experience, a bittersweet one, I presume. Promising to other is fine, unlimited ways to fulfill them, to self, it just bounds you with your incapability. Resolutions are not my milieu.  

Maybe it just gives me a taste of satisfaction, the sheer tinge of a little happiness when I see a smile in the face of the person whom I promised something, or when someone, after years of disconnection, finds that I still kept the vow I made, unbroken. Yes, there were one or two incidents when I had to reluctantly break them, which I will repent for the rest of the years, sure, I am not perfect, but the balance remains on my favor. And plus, sometimes I feel like the godfather, although with minimal expectation or none at all, never did any good, expecting from others. Yet, I’ll continue to do so; whenever I can, promising stuff and keeping the crap intact. Especially to those who mean more than dear to me…only a few are there…maybe 5 in total.

So, this is my last vow, to you all who are this much close to a beat of heart of my heart, I will always be there. Promise.

Regards.

sunshine on my shoulders.

6th January, 2014.

Although there is hardly anything to write today as nothing has happened which can actually qualify to be composed, yet I find it obligatory to myself to write as I never wrote on New Year’s Eve. Although I did thought, even made a draft to write about the developments in the year 2013, which comprised of 12 things that happened to me, yet I decided against it, maybe later someday when it will really matter.

So, it was the first day at college, after a long hiatus, which was lethally mundane, I found my deteriorated sanity back on tracks, id est., I as my friends would say, back in my own image (don’t know what it meant though).  And plus, it is the last semester of my last year in college. People don’t give this thought that much seriousness, but then, I do not belong to the common lot (a drawback for me sometimes). I don’t know what is there out in the coming days, but I guess I have let myself flow with the currents…it’s been a while that I have done such a thing, surrendering myself has not been my advantage very lately. I can use some sunshine on my shoulder, a warm ray of light. And I hope whoever reads this, may find their own sky, with a bright sun shining and some cotton clouds.

Regards,

Ps - this has to be the shortest blog I wrote, forgive me.

Pps- I may not be this much available from now…college! But I will try to write as often…