07th June 2017.
This is what happens to an intro when you have been away from writing for a long time; it loses the flair. I would have started with ‘hello humans’ or ‘greetings mortals’, but I am unable to follow it up with a more quirky sentence, hence this bland introduction with a lack of everything.
That being said, I guess it eventually comes to the point of habit, everything we do normally is driven by a course of habit and a degradation of such is basically nothing but the lack of usage. I can write a better rant or blog than the current one, but since I have been totally busy in other things, the practice of writing anything substantial went from haywire to null and the result is this.
I intended to write about something, something more deep or quirky or engaging, but I am rather compelled to complain about this deformation of a practice I used to follow quite religiously, there was a break in the sequence and I ended up in blithering about; and this course of following a habit is basically wrong because it makes me dependent on things, routine makes us disciplined but it also enslaves us, and I would disagree to all of them who claim to be fine with a routine or who claim that they do not follow a routine, that is a blatant lie, used conveniently to keep one in the illusion of whatever.
For example, I just completed my Post Graduation, the results have been declared and my first thought was that now I would be living a good time; it took 4 days for the bubble to burst, because I started to miss the routine, I missed the urgency of getting up early in the morning, the rush feeling to catch the metro to Kashmere Gate, the panic of facing the most strict faculty in the class without doing the essential readings, smoking in the Dara Sikoh lawns, et cetera. Basically, I started missing the routine, my existence was and still is running parallel to those characters from Sartre’s Nausea, and I am feeling the crisis to my existence. So much so, I miss my phone’s ringtone because there is no call, there is no WhatsApp text from my classmates, enquiring about the next class and holidays. No, I do not miss my classmates, they are dumb, most of them, yes I am standing on a high pedestal with a ten feet pole shoved deep in my arse, I don’t regret that and I don’t care, humility is one virtue I am yet to get. My point is, I have tangled myself in a design of daily routine, something I thought I would never do, or at least hoped for it.
I cannot complain about the boredom though, I am hardly bored these days, I might just have found a way out of it and it seems so ridiculously easy that I don’t want to break the streak, but that’s about it, the abhorring dullness have now been replaced by a more lethal a situation and damn this one is persistent in its purpose. The definitive human endeavor should consist anything but routine, and even if you have a routine, a heavy dependence on it is nothing different than an addiction to the most obtuse drug there is. Like really, you can get high on cocaine and overdose on it and die, easy. Sigmund Freud used to shoot up a dose of it and then he wrote some of the most beautiful papers I have ever read and I don’t think he would have made routine his choice of poison. No, I am not advocating cocaine and you are not Freud, so sit down quietly. The argument here is, comparatively, riding high on cocaine seems less dangerous than walking in an abysmal trail of schedules, more dangerous is making it a habit of your days, because the moment you break out of it, the withdrawal symptoms are spine crushing.
So I tried something different or tried to follow an even older routine which seemed more creative at the moment – doodling and writing poems and when I say poems, it looks like the sheer desperation of a wannabe Jim Morrison, but hey, I am trying!
I guess what I really miss, from the given habit of days, is talking. University was a place where I talked, it made my head clear, that became a habit of choice, and I picked people to talk and avoided some. Habits are designs of our own machinations, just a bit dangerous when it becomes a constriction, as it has become mine. Whether I advocate chaos and entropy or praise the humble order of uniformity, it will always replace one habit with the other one, and at the moment, it is the fallen order that concerns me more. I do not know what is more bothersome, the growing order or the impending chaos.
That being said, I really am missing cigarettes! No, not withdrawal symptoms, I don’t have those weaknesses in this matter, by that implication I would have been admitted to some health facility due to the lack of caffeine. What I am trying to imply is I miss smoking with friends.
Okay, an open offer to whoever reads this, if you want, let’s get some smoke or something. Let’s talk and make ash. Just saying, it is an open invitation.
There, I think that would be enough of a rant for now. I think I should try to be more frequent than this.
Until next time then!
Trust in my self-righteous suicide!
Peace!
