Fidelis Ad Mortem.

I trace back myself to the bygone days
to friends, foes, strangers.
Walking back, i try to remember
whether it was worth it or not,
whether my stories would turn out
different than the others.
I was a king, god, fallen one, mortal
I now realize, I'm only human.
To remember is easy, to commemorate
is easier - to live with absence is herculean.

To have faith still or to be done with?

Were it was supposed to end like this
or with a different outcome,
that remains the question.
If not this, then what? Then how?
Why?

As August Ends.

As August comes to an end,
so does the penance
so does the peace and
so does the pain.
I have lived and died and lived
moment by moment, in sufferance
and in healing, in assumption
that I can crack no more,
in self-assured future, in distorted presents.

As August comes to an end
your words come closer to reality,
I saved them for later doses.
Our memories are on fire,
they burn in rage and broken possibilities,
and I keep choking on their ashes,
I keep hearing your last blames.
Everyone else is sleeping in dreams and
certain peace that I too knew once,
now my nights keep taking me back to
your last calls, peace to me is a longing.

As August comes to an end, sooner this too
will die out due to the lack of attention.
Or I  shall hope for tomorrow and
tomorrow to explode in a thousand words to choose.
As August comes to an end,
I believe so should you.

Reset

If i had a nickle
for every time i wanted
to hit that reset button and start over.
Take back the pain and save you the trouble, make things right,
for once, for twice, for a few hundred times.

To meet you again, like strangers,
you'll ask my name and I'll buy you
a cup of tea. We'll talk on endless notes.
We'll be friends of fabric and designs,
and smile and laugh and make faces.

I am still looking for that reset button,
I found it too, a couple of times,
i was so close to hitting it in hope,
and faith.
But I didn't, I can't, I won't.
I can't remember to let go again and again.