21st July 2017.
20th July 2017, 12.04 AM. My usual routine of wasting time under the veneer of productivity got interrupted by one devastating news. Chester Bennington has passed away. The lead singer of Linkin Park committed suicide at the age of 41.
Chester Bennignton? No, wait, that is a hoax, it cannot be. Fingers ran faster than the wind on the keyboard, Googling the authenticity of this abysmal news. Chester Bennington?
12.10 AM. It was true. He is no more.
There had been many deaths, celebrity deaths in recent times, but this news was overwhelming and heartbreaking. Alan Rickman passed away; Leonard Cohen passed away, Chris Cornell too and much more. But none of them shook me, or us up like CB’s death did, and there is a reason.
Linkin Park is not just some band. There had been many rock bands, maybe influential and more ‘hip’ than this one, but Linkin Park was our (the 90’s kid) safe haven. Most of us who are now in their mid 20’s and so forth, who are into rock music and such, or even those of us who just love music for music, Linkin Park was our base. I would bet anything that of those who claim to be a rock fan, a good number of them had started their journey from songs like ‘Numb’ or ‘In the End’ first and then they moved towards bands like Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd and so forth. You weren’t cool in school if you don’t know the rap verse in ‘In the End’ or if you cannot lip-synch ‘Numb’. You weren’t considered a hipster (school days definition of hipster is as childish but it was something!) if you didn’t have the first clue what was Meteora and Hybrid Theory. These songs became the daily anthem for a lot of us. I remember when I used the school bus, I had a friend who used to bring his cell phone and we listened to these songs first from his playlist. Linkin Park was what defined us in the 2000’s and above.
But that was a child’s idea of hip, and a child’s idea of hip and cool changes with every new thing that arrives, like today it is a fidget-spinner. Linkin Park and CB also changed their definition for and to me with their music; it wasn’t the epitome of coolness for us anymore. For a lot of us, Linkin Park became an idea and a concept.
With the growing idea of music and the understanding of lyrics, we had songs like ‘Crawling in my skin’, ‘Papercut’, ‘From the Inside’, ‘Leave out all the rest’ and so much more. Here it wasn’t the guitar riff or the drum beat or the bass-line anymore, what changed Linkin Park for me was the poetry behind the lyrics, the philosophy of loss and desperation and anger and rage and confusion. The words which made things relatable for me and to a lot of people of my generation.
A lot of my so called teenage angst days had been spent with my earphones in and the volume up high, while I listened to their songs, trying to keep the voices out of my head, the suicidal thoughts that crammed my head like demons were exorcised by this band. Chester Bennington became the voice of sanity in my darkest and most grim moods. Linkin Park was there when nobody else was and when I felt that everyone has turned their back against me.
A lot of us had our personal fights with momentary depression, when we thought that we are misunderstood and are a bunch misfit squares in a world of round holes, we felt as outcasts and pariahs and it was during those sleepless nights when Chester and his band helped us out, made us felt understood and appreciated, when we thought that it wasn’t possible to cope with the next heartbreak and sadness, Linkin Park got us through.
And I guess it was not just the lyrics; Chester’s personal demons showed up in his songs. His problems with drugs and alcohol and his constant battle with depression perhaps made him understand the demons we had and we related to his songs and lyrics because we felt a sense of familiarity with his demons. It felt like a brotherhood.
It made no sense that a person who literally talked us out of suicides and self-destructions felt so empty and lost that he gave up. We’ll never know why. All I know that I feel that I have lost a brother, a friend. Maybe for him, goodbye was the only way.
And this is what makes us what we are. I am sure a lot of people I know were as broken as I was with this news. We all went into denial and I assume we still don't want to believe this. Maybe this is what it felt to a lot of other people from the old generation when Lenon was shot dead and Kurt Cobain ended his life.
It was a long night for me last night. Long, dark, crammed with past demons and heartbreaks. Every lyric was now clear and comprehensive and the memories were vivid.
On the last verge of it, I did what I was really afraid of. I had a meltdown and after so long I knew again what sadness was, I ended up crying. A dark room, everyone else was asleep and a couple of teardrops found their way out of my eyes, with the lyrics from ‘Leave out all the rest’ playing; he left all the reasons to be missed.
Goodbye Chester.
