7 minutes itch.

01st November, 2017.

Well hello hello hello again!

Yes yes, I know it has been away for a whole month since I last visited here, I've been sort of riding the storm so to speak, and I do find myself at the liberty to state this for a fact that boy oh boy was that a storm!

Well, to be really very frank, it is hard to keep oneself always engaged to the virtues that defines them, more even so, it is easy to be sincerely indulged in the vices on the other hand of the singular spectrum. I understood this when I started this page, and I find myself following a singular pattern of presence and absence and if I were more observant to myself, I might have noticed the frequencies of this pattern. It becomes more of a preordained chain of events.

That being said, when I mentioned a storm, I am not sure of its magnitude myself, I think it was important, if not certainly perplexing to an extent. There were things that happened, which I correctly had anticipated and then there were the monkey wrenches which I did not see coming. Okay, maybe one or two, but I didn't pay the attention that I needed to. And that's stupid.

Though I have no inclination or obligation to divulge the details of the said 'storm'  (a term which I now think I'm just using as an exaggeration just to form a hype), it has successfully kept me awake for long nights, something which I had forgotten. Although, I cannot say I missed the insomnia because, well, sleep is important, but I think that it's also important to be on the field at times, just to be in the game. Again, I'm not making a whole lot of sense here, I have to blame this to the fact that I myself am unaware of whatever which is bothering me. I don't like not knowing or understanding.

I think, and I might am wrong, this particular rant is just one of those mindless things that starts as an itch and won't stop until it has got a good scratch, and this is me, scratching (figuratively). Maybe now I'll be able to catch some sleep.

So, what did we learn? 2 things - one, if you're having an itch, scratch it, especially if it's a stupid one like this. Two - sometimes, we have to burn some old bridges to build a new one, at the same exact spot, because who doesn't likes a new shiny bridge with steel cables instead of ropes, eh? Go figure!

Well then, good scratch.

Untitled (cannot think of one yet)

कुछ रातों के काले साये में मैं अक्सर सोचा करता हूँ,
कि तुझे याद करूँ तो कैसे करूँ।
आधे बिछरे पन्नो के किस स्याह से तुझे याद करूँ,मैं अक्सर सोचा करता हूँ।
टटोल के कुछ किताबों को, कुछ अल्फ़ाज़ ढूंढता रहता हूँ,
शायद बयां कर जाऊं जो दिल में है, मैं तुझे याद करूँ तो कैसे करूँ, अक्सर कालि रातों को मैं ऐसे ही जलाता हूँ।
देख देख पुराने शायरों को, कभी कलम भी उठा लेता हूँ,
क्या पता क्या लिखूं, अक्सर यही सोचता हूँ।
खिड़की के बाहर अँधेरे को मैं यूँ ही तकता रहता हूँ,
वक़्त भी मेरे साथ अक्सर यही सोचता है, तुझे याद करूँ तो कैसे करूँ।
फिर थक हार कर, जब पन्ने समेट लेता हूँ और कलम भी जब स्याह रिसना बंध कर देता है,
जब रात भी अब कल का वादा निभाती है,
चंद लम्हे के लिए ही सही बादस्तूर कुछ याद सा आ जाता है,
तेरे बारे में, जो सिर्फ मेरा है।
अधूरा ही सही, ऐसे ही,
कुछ रातों के काले साये में मैं अक्सर तुझे याद करता हूँ।

ऋषिराज.

Sticky note #30

30th September, 2017.

So I'm at the finality of this insipid, dull and somewhat rancid series of small sized rants. I don't know what promoted me to write this, I do not remember the exact reason behind this, which is a bit of an anomaly for me. Regardless of the claims that I make about my randomness about things, I know that my blogs are always fueled by one reason or the other, most of them are my frustration against the dull world of mundane trivialities and the vicissitudes that I ineptly try to tackle and lose without a cause.

So what did all these led to? All these ungodly, unholy and borderlining complaints that I might have made here over the last one month might have consisted some insight or atleast a better result.. the answer still eludes me, I see no point of any of this as of yet, maybe one day I will.

The same cannot be said about the existing month though, which still has 2 solid hours to expire and move towards October. As of right now, at this moment, when I look at the last 30 days, I see a wave of unnatural developments, around me and within me. If observed carefully, one can actually see the changes one must have in order to move, and as an introspection I see that this month has been undoing me and redefining me to myself, though I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed the same. I grew weary of people and as surprising as it gets, I am falling apart from the notions of words like relationship, promises, expectations etc. I wasn't even hoping for anything, but the responses aren't really disappointing.

Now I wouldn't claim that I have lost or am not expecting anything from anyone, I myself have mentioned elsewhere that it is one of the most blatant lie there is, however, I have stopped it to an extent or rather, I have changed the parameters of the same. Maybe successfully, I have learnt to negate a very certain sort of pent up dreams and 'what if'. Yet again, as a person who has been advocating hope and never giving up, I am clueless of my own inhibitions and the consequences, which are far away yet, haunt me.

The banality of everything that comes as a bonus to me with the absolute yellowness instills a certain fear that I might will loose my touch. But then again, I think writings like these are the only point where it keeps me balanced on the tight rope. That and tea.

Well that's that then. The Sticky Note series must be stopped now. I cannot promise that I will resume another such meaningless tirade of unhinged thinking again, it's all in the dark.

Till then, shab-bakhair.

R.

Sticky note #29

29th September, 2017.

O insipid carousel of wreck montage, I tried.
I tried to reason with you,
I tried to understand you,
I tried to reach you,
And I think you never cared.

R.

Sticky note #28

28th September, 2017.

Such day.. much wow..

And some beautiful eyes.

R.

Sticky note #27

27th September, 2017.

"To see all things that happens to us as accidents or incidents from a novel, which we read not with our eyes but with life - only with this attitude can we overcome the mischief of each day and the fickleness of events." - F. P.

R.

Sticky note #26

26th September, 2017.

It's pujo.. although I am on the way to lose all my inhibition regarding this, I can't deny the fact that it always helps me around.. kind of paradox.. pujo always had been a constant reminder of a slight uneasiness and at the same time it gives me a comfort.. maybe the clay idol and random stuff, whatever it is, it stays.

It smells of aftershave..

R.